Smashing sound
RAISING children, continued. A Bearsden reader was in the lounge with his daughter while his wife and son were in the kitchen.
He suddenly heard a loud crash, and wondered aloud who had dropped something.
“Mum,” said his daughter.
“How do you know?” he asked. “She didn’t say anything,” replied daughter.
Short answer
THE strange world of being famous. Actress Minnie Driver told fans on social media yesterday: “Someone just came up to me in a restaurant and told me I look like Minnie Driver, but not as tall. I said it’s because I’m sitting down.”
You’re on tae plums
WE’RE supposed to eat more fruit and veg it seems, and researchers have revealed that many folk cannot even identify common varieties.
Said researcher Simon Williams: “When asked to name 10 fruit and vegetables, one of the participants said, ‘nine carrots and an apple’.
“Another insisted that celeriac was a fictional detective from Jersey.”
We recall chef Andy Cumming visiting an east end supermarket where he took a couple of plum tomatoes and a handful of cherry tomatoes to the checkout.
The young chap at the till hesitated, and asked what varieties he had. Andy replied: “Plum and cherry.”
“You’re at it mate,” he replied. “I know a tomato when I see it.”
The late shift
OUR story about bad timekeeping reminds Norrie Christie: “I had a colleague who was a persistent late-comer. Coming into the office half an hour late one morning the tardy fellow was challenged by the boss.
‘Late again Brian’ he pronounced. ‘Me too, Mr Ingram,’ said Brian as he hung up his jacket.”
Hard to swallow
WE commend the sheer daftness of a reader who emails: “My wife left me because I’m too insecure.
“No wait, she’s back. She had just gone to make a cup of tea.”
Friendly advice
A READER hears a loudmouth in a Glasgow bar declare: “The wife said to me, ‘All our friends are having babies now.’ “So I told her we should do something about that. I said we should go ahead and get new friends.”
Pump it up IN a random comment, Liza Donaldson tells us that the petrol pumps at Kilchoan on the Ardnamurchan Peninsula – the bit of mainland above the island of Mull – have not been replaced for decades, and are probably the oldest working petrol pumps in Scotland.
Not sure what to do with that information but it reminds us of the reader who told us: “I stopped at my local petrol station and filled up. Well, who wouldn’t shed a tear when you see the prices these days?”
Love test
TODAY’S relationship advice comes from a reader in Kilmacolm who suggests: “Before you get married, you should try and assemble Ikea furniture together.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article