DEMANDING children continued. A reader was waiting at Larkhall Station when she heard a young girl wail: "But I want one!" Her mother insisted she couldn't have one, whatever said item was, and added: "I've told you, I got the last one."

As if that needed any clarification, the mother then added, and we are not saying this is a reflection at all on Larkhall: "Besides, it came from the back of a lorry, and not a shop."

TALKING of children, Ian Stewart in Dunoon tells us: "The family were gathered in the kitchen, and after recording it on the TV, I said to the wife, 'I’m going to watch the Grand Prix Qualifier later on'. Five minutes then elapsed, and during a silent moment, my six-year-old daughter asked, 'Dad. Where does the Grumpy Cauliflower live?' I was totally bemused before it finally clicked. Unless of course she was referring to Nico Rosberg who angrily threw his cap at team-mate Lewis Hamilton."

SCOTS rugby fans were not often keen on England rugby internationalist Brian Moore who is now a commentator and after dinner speaker. Brian though didn't let that stop him from being guest speaker at Glasgow Academical's prestigious 150th anniversary dinner at Kelvingrove on Saturday. Despite the clue in the club's name, Brian, en route to the dinner from London, had to admit on social media: "When I said I'm on a train to Edinburgh - I am. However, it seems tonight's dinner is in Glasgow. Look, anyone could have made that error."

Fellow speaker John Beattie appealed to anyone who spotted Brian to send him on the right train, and he finally made it.

TALKING of social media, Taggart actor Alex Norton couldn't resist it when he came across a bottle of French wine named Les Barras by telling his Glasgow pals, tongue in cheek: "Hmmm - I'm detecting notes of auld claes and cheap fags here, with the merest hint of wulks and mussels.”

Alex’s thespian chum John Bett then added: "A wine for casual drinking - standing up or lying down.”

WE ended our audience questions stories but we should squeeze in Tom Bradshaw in Bellshill who says: "Many years ago I was teaching a Standard Grade Modern Studies class about alternative voting systems.

Having laboured for 30 minutes at the board, I invited any questions from the class. One hand was raised, 'Sir, is Beethoven deid?' I was tempted to say has was decomposing but the irony would surely be lost."

TALK about not conforming to stereotypes - a church community on Harris is considering converting a pub into a church, which is the opposite of what's been happening elsewhere in Scotland. The North Harris Free Church has been meeting in a community centre but is now considering buying the Isle of Harris Inn, and refurbishing it. Oh for goodness sake, no, they are not planning in leaving the pub gantry as it is.

CHELSEA have had one of their worst starts to the season for years. As one observer of English Premier football puts it: “If you had told fans of relegation-threatened Bournemouth at the start of the season that they would only be three points behind Chelsea in November they would have been jumping with joy.”