MIRANDA Keeling was in a supermarket when a lad with his mum demanded a packet of Oreo biscuits. "They're not on the list," replied his mum, unwilling to buy them. "You can put them on the list," persisted the youngster. But his mum said she couldn't change it.

After thinking about this, the young lad replied: "What's the point in being a grown-up then?"

GUY Fawkes Night last night of course, and Jason Spacey sums it up for many by explaining: "Experience the anti-climax of a back garden firework display by setting fire to your wallet and throwing it over a shed."

THE other thing yesterday was Art Garfunkel's birthday. Are you sitting down? He was 74. Time flies etc. As Andy Kind summed it up, thinking of Simon and Garfunkel's great album: "He's at that age where he enjoys Bridge, and suffers from troubled waters."

FED up being badgered by all those companies wanting you to claim for some spurious injury, bank payment or whatever? Foster Evans sends us the mickey-taking latest: "Have you had to walk 500 miles? Were you advised to walk 500 more? You could be entitled to compensation. Call the Pro Claimers now!"

WE mentioned the names of dentists, and David Phin tells us: "There was a dentist in Castle Douglas, Aitken Grieve, whose sign always made us smile as we thought it warned of what was to come."

AUDIENCE questions continued. Diplomat Peter Barlow had given a talk at the North Bute Literary Society on business and political links between Russia and Scotland when he asked for any questions. The first one was: "Were you no' on the buses when you were young, son?" And the questioner was correct that Mr Barlow had indeed had a job as a student collecting fares.

THIS is something a lot of folk who have been at meetings and concert will think is a good idea. Tom Harris attending the National Rail Conference in Leeds yesterday tells us that former Transport Minister Steven Norris began his speech there by saying that anyone whose mobile phone goes off during his speech has to pay £50 to the railway workers' charity RBF.

GOOD to see ancient football rivalries continue even in the digital age. The social media behemoth Twitter has changed its layout so that if you like something that someone has tweeted then it adds a little heart to it. Naturally football club Heart of Midlothian is delighted and yesterday tweeted to Edinburgh rivals Hibernian: “Your fiver’s in the post Mr Twitter.” By the end of the day Hibs had contacted Twitter to tell it: “Ok Twitter, you’ve had your fun. Change it back.”

A COLLEAGUE wanders past and unfortunately catches our eye. “There’s a hole in my pocket,” he announces, then adds after a dramatic pause: “So no change there then.”