HALLOWE'EN of course on Saturday and a Newton Mearns reader tells us she had prepared little plastic pumpkins filled with sweets and fruit to hand out to the kids who came to the door. All the children took them and said thank you, apart from one little tot who raked through the pumpkin, pulled out a tangerine, handed it back to our reader and said: "I'll not be needing this."

DOWN in London though things were a bit posher. Liz Buckley was at a bus-stop in fashionable Stoke Newington where she heard a couple heading home on Friday night discuss Hallowe'en. "We don't have any sweets do we?" said the chap, presumably anticipating young people calling at their door. "We could offer them something from the cheeseboard" his partner suggested.

MANY folk were also shocked that it is now November, fearing that snow and Christmas shopping is just around the corner. A reader in Glasgow heard one chap remark yesterday: "Aye the first of November the day. Or as it's known in the supermarket trade, the backside has fallen out of the pumpkin trade so knock them out for a quid day."

IN the fitba in England, Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho is coming in for some stick after his misfiring side was soundly defeated by Liverpool to leave them in the bottom third of the league. As comedy writer Sanjeev Kohli declared: "All the Mourinho-haters won't be laughing when he comes back next year and wins the Championship.

A READER was at a social club meeting at Inchinnan Community Centre when a fellow attendee was talking about his recent operation in Paisley's Royal Alexandra Hospital. "What was the worst part about it?" someone asked. "I'd say the worst part of the whole thing was being driven up and doon to the hospital by my dear wife," he bravely replied.

WE mentioned the poor technology on planes which meant the windows did not line up with the seats. Rachel Martin in Musselburgh contributes: "I never leave a plane without the thought, 'Millions of pounds of technology, computing and engineering and how do we know it's safe to exit the aircraft? A bloke runs up the steps and knocks on the door'."

QUESTIONS to public speakers continued. Says Carol Johnston in Ayr: "When I was a young teacher, starting my teacher training year at Jordanhill, I was having my first observed lesson and was desperate to make a good impression on the rather stern tutor who was making copious notes at the back of the classroom. I was teaching a poem and trying hard to make the lesson lively and interesting. When I stopped to ask for questions, the class fell silent for what seemed like an eternity. In growing desperation I began to raise my voice and said, 'Come on! Someone must have a question! You can ask me anything!'

"To which a young girl shouted out, 'Miss, have you had a wee bit off your fringe?'”

AND finally our favourite daft gag from Hallowe'en. "Doctor, doctor - I keep making people think I'm about to tell them a joke."