President Xi Jinping’s recent Royal moments are still being shown, from the video screens in the Shanghai subway to the TVs at the Star Ferry terminal in Hong Kong. And people in China adore watching their president with Royalty. ‘Workers of the world, your knight. Sir Jinping of the Orient, Duke of Communism’. They enjoy seeing him inspect the guard with Prince Phillip. They stare at him in Buckingham Palace with the Duchess of Cambridge. They probably ponder (for who could not?) who has more spray in their hair: the Queen or Xi?

It was watching Chinese people watch these images that I thought: ‘How can WE get Xi?’ We, Scotland. The Royal ‘We’.

Such aspirations are the Queen’s fault. Her dinner menu at Buckingham Palace for President Xi featured ‘Longe de Venaison de Ecosse Rotie’. Venison loin. Roasted. Scottish.

There, on a plate, was the rise of Scotland. Previously we’d have been a side dish. Mashed turnip, maybe. Not now. Now, Scotland was represented as the main dish. That dinner was diplomatic devo max.

It’s not such a big step to think President Xi might one day come to Scotland. Not for a political visit, but a trip to Balmoral, for more Royal pictures. All the status Xi gained in China from his recent trip was from tiara-bedecked association. To paraphrase and update Mao, political power grows out of a double-barrel and a gown. International figures with posh names, and a bit of ermine, sure enhance the Chinese president’s stature back home.

But let’s not forget President Xi has made a point of trying to stamp out excess. The Queen wouldn’t be living like that if she were in China. The crowns would be in a cupboard, and a few equerries would have been let go, off working at Armani. And whilst being abroad, and being quaint, makes queenly stuff okay, there were still some Chinese eyebrows raised at the obviousness with which Xi, in Buckingham Palace, had made evident study of a little red book called Debrett’s Etiquette Guide, and its diktats on wielding a cake not a pitch fork.

Being seen out and about with the Queen at Balmoral would offer Royalty with Chinese characteristics. Xi prides himself on being a man of the people. He’d be in rural, agrarian territory. It would be Maoism, with Her Majesty.

They could go fly fishing on the Dee. Good symbolism. He rules China with a rod of iron. He also takes it fishing.

Brief trip into Ballater? Maybe call into the chippie and burnish his ‘man of the people’ reputation with a deep-fried Mars bar. Given the rise in the chocolate market in China – estimated to reach £2.8 billion by 2019 – this would add export potential to tourism showcase as the advantages for Scotland of Xi’s trip.

Oh, and after that, a McCowan’s Highland Toffee bar. Takes care of the human rights’ issue, as for the duration of consumption, Xi will be denied freedom of speech.

In Beijing last week, China’s 13th five-year plan was being developed. It’s the Communist Party’s to-do list. Might ‘XI GOES TO SCOTLAND’ slot in, say between stabilizing the stock market and dealing with the new baby boom?