NEWS from north of the Central Belt, and Bruce Skivington reveals: "There was a reporter out in the wilds asking if the new speed cameras on the A9 had made a difference. The local he was speaking to said it took 10 minutes longer. The reporter asked if that was because people were driving slower. 'No,' replied the local. 'That's how long it takes to tie a bit of cardboard over the number plate'."

A PICTURE in The Herald of a Boys Brigade company from the fifties where all the lads were in short trousers made one reader in Ayrshire reminisce: "My father made me wear short trousers even when I moved up to Irvine Royal Academy. I was mortified. My mother bought me a pair of long trousers without him knowing and when he left for work in the morning I changed into them."

NOT really unexpected news - the so-called businessman who briefly owned Rangers, Craig Whyte has been declared bankrupt. A reader asks: "Will he just take a tip from American billionaire Donald Trump, call himself The Craig, and carry on as if nothing has happened?"

AH Scottish stereotypes. Russell Senior, in his book about being in the band Pulp, entitled Freak Out The Squares, talks about how a tour manager used his Scottishness to deal with tricky promoters. Writes Russell: "Scottie Jobson was the brother of the granite-faced singer from The Skids, Richard Jobson, and was a hard but generally good-natured Scotsman who didn't suffer fools gladly. To an awkward promoter he said, 'I'm six foot three, I'm Scottish, I'm coming down with a cold, and you're startin' on me?'"

Apparently it got him what he wanted.

A READER gets this off his chest by telling us: "Mankind is capable of unimaginable feats of engineering - and yet the windows on an airplane never line up with the seats."

QUESTIONS to speakers continued. Freddie Dale, whose husband Michael is organiser of the West End Festival, tells us: "Michael organised for Countdown's Richard Whitely to come to Cottiers Theatre to do his chat show. At the end he asked the audience if there were any questions people would like to put to him. A teenager stuck his hand up and asked, 'What's the capital of Malta?' Glad to say Richard answered correctly."

"SINGER Phil Collins is getting a lot of mentions on social media," said the chap in Glasgow. "Has he died?" asked his pal. "Worse than that," the Glasgow chap replied. "He says he's coming out of retirement."

TALKING of social media, Alec Ross in Lochans passes on: "A friend muses, 'Remember when we used to make pumpkin lanterns, take pictures of them, and then take the photos round all our friends' houses?' Nope, me neither".

THE charity RSABI, which helps relieve hardship amongst farm workers, is selling the light-hearted book Farming Is A Funny Business by Andrew and John Arbuckle to raise funds. In it we hear of the farmer's wife who told a friend she was going to Venice. " Oh, lovely,” her friend said, “is it a romantic trip?” “No,” the farmer’s wife told her, “I’m going with my husband.”