AUDIENCE questions continued. Says Gilbert MacKay in Newton Mearns: "I was talking about a research project to an audience in Peterhead. There was a long silence at the end when I asked for questions. It was broken by a lady asking, 'D'ye ken you look like Michael Crawford?'"

CHIRPY Australian singer Jason Donovan is to appear in concert in Glasgow and Kilmarnock next March. We remember a Herald writer telling us about Jason doing a photocall a few years back at Edinburgh Castle when he was singing in the capital. The crowd of photographers around Jason perched on a castle wall attracted a number of passers-by wondering what was going on. One asked the Herald writer who was being photographed and she replied: "It's Jason Donovan." The chap who asked must have missed the first name as he replied: "Donovan? The folky singer from the sixties? He's aged well," before walking on.

WELL a flurry of condemnation for multi-millionaire musical creator Lord Andrew Lloyd-Webber flying back from New York in order to support the Government in the House of Lords and vote to cut tax credits to the poor. A reader phones to ask us: "What's his next show going to be called? Fat Cats?"

Joining old Andrew in the vote to cut tax credits was new Glasgow member of the House of Lords, Lady Mone of Mayfair. Unimpressed was fellow Glasgow east ender, stand-up Janey Godley, who commented: "Michelle Mone used her first vote in House of Lords to support tax credit cuts. Remember, she came from a hovel, but dream it and you can do it, as she says."

THE claims about bacon and sausages being bad for you are still being widely discussed. Said one reader: "My doctor told me to eat less meat, so I've had a vegetarian lunch. And to make it as healthy as possible, I refused the salt and vinegar."

TALKING of diet, Simon Brown says he was in Kilmarnock this week when he heard a young chap say: "Mum, can we go there for lunch?"

"Naw son," she replied. "That's a salad bar, you don't like salads."

STRANGE tales from charity shops. A volunteer in one such shop in Edinburgh tells us a lady walked in the other week and asked to buy the rails on which the clothes were hung. When she was told they were not for sale as they needed them for the clothes, she left muttering: "What kind of charity shop won't sell me what I want?"

Any other volunteers had awkward customers?

HALLOWE'EN on Saturday of course, and we always remember the Saltocoats reader who told us of the young lad coming to his door and proclaiming: "Trick or Treat? And by the way, mister, I'm diabetic, so it's cash only."

FOR sheer daftness, a reader emails us to ask: "Do you think if a dog sees a police dog it says to itself, 'Right I better behave myself, it's the cops'."

A COLLEAGUE feels the need to catch our attention and tell us: "Before I got into journalism I was made redundant from a helium manufacturing factory. The still speak highly of me."