THE stage production of Billy Elliot the Musical, with songs by Elton John, is coming to the Edinburgh Playhouse next year. The show has already been a hit in the United States where the Public Broadcasting Service produced a glossary of the British phrases in it and what they mean. Thus they explained to fellow Americans, "Bent as a nine bob note" as: "Bent suggests something is not right, perhaps dishonest, or that a person is intoxicated, homosexual or effeminate. A bob was a ten-shilling note in the UK."

So not very clear at all then really.

THE controversial taxi service Uber, which you order only from a smart phone, has come to Glasgow. We remember an American sailor discussing Uber in the States and passing on: "My buddy Dean grabbed an Uber from a Muslim driver. When he got in, the driver asked if he was a Christian. Dean from South Carolina said, 'Hell yeah I'm a Christian!'. About a mile down the road the driver gets a call from a guy named Christian wondering who stole his Uber."

TALKING of American, musician Roy Gullane with the Tannahill Weavers tells us: "Greetings from a sweltering Los Angeles. We revisited Glasgow Kentucky last week. After days of driving through glorious sunshine, we got within 20 miles of Glasgow. The temperature plummeted to 65 degrees and it started raining. Not homesick any more."

SOMETIMES even The Diary has been guilty of making fun of England's sporting disasters. But is the shoe now on the other foot? We only ask as the London-based TalkSport radio station has been running a poll on: "Did you laugh or cry at Scotland losing in the last minute to Australia in the rugby?" Latest figures put the "laughing" at 56%.

READER Gordon McRae amuses us by passing on: "Trying to start the engine on a new car the message 'Depress Clutch' appeared on the dashboard display. So I told it my life story but the engine still wouldn't start."

YOU'VE probably seen the mugs for sale in shops which declare "#1 Dad" for sons to buy usually around Father's Day. A South Side reader tells us: "My seven-year-old son announced - I can’t remember why - that I was the best Dad in the world. That’s always good to hear, so I listened, as he went on, 'I should get you a mug. I’m going to make you a mug - one of those ones that says 'Hashtag1 Dad' on it.”

MUCH debate in The Herald about the use of Gaelic in Scotland. With some sorrow, we suspect, Andrew MacGregor on Colonsay tells us: "I overheard someone on the Glasgow to Oban train ask, 'Why do they have the station names in German as well as English?'"

DISASTROUS car names continued. David Knight points out: “WhenToyota introduced its rear-engined sports car to its range, it sold less so in France. Why? Perhaps it’s name had something to do with it, as MR 2, when pronounced in French, becomes ‘Merde’.”

A COLLEAGUE wanders over and unfortunately caches our eye. “My paper aeroplane won’t fly”, he tells us, then adds: “It’s completely stationery.”