With it being Monday and all I thought we could all do with a bit of a laugh. Over the past few months I’ve been doing a bit of research with online daters in the UK and America, and have inadvertently collated a list of the good, the bad and the ugly things guys have said on first dates or in online messages.
Now that’s not to say the women are perfect either, but this week boys I thought we could take one for the team for the sake of Glasgow’s amusement. Laugh, enjoy…cringe.
50. “Would you mind if I touched your ankles?”
49. “Would you mind if I sniffed your arm pits?”
48. “You look a bit like Baloo the Bear”
47. “You look like a shoplifter”
46. “I’m a shoplifter”
45. “My Mum is making me move out after my 40th”
44. “You look positively delicious, you remind me a bit of my sister”
43. “Do you mind if I quickly finish this game of angry birds?”
42. “I don’t really fancy you but I needed a night out”
41. “You look like a girl with multiple partners”
40. “Did you make that dress yourself? Looks like it’s falling apart”
39. “Your hair looks lovely, it helps your face”
38. “Is McDonalds ok?”
37. “I had my first homosexual experience last night”
36, “Can I show you something under the table?”
35. “I have a spare key for my neighbor, sometimes I go and sleep in their bed”
34. “You must’ve been huge when you were younger”
33. “I’m not really interested in you like that, I’m actually looking for a surrogate”
32. “have you ever got off with your cousin?”
31. “I’ve got off with my cousin”
30. “23? You look way older”
29. “You smell like cheese, but a nice one”
28. “I miss my ex almost every day”
27. “My shirt is actually part of a pyjama set”
26. “I wish I wasn’t so racist”
25. “I’m not paying for the wine you drank”
24. “Do you and your friends ever compare your downstairs?”
23. “I’ve had 362 sexual partners”
22. “Do you plan on getting your teeth fixed?”
21. “The woman behind the bar is actually my Mum, you’ve already met”
20. “My downstairs is crooked, it curves to the left”
19. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I’m in a wheelchair”
18. “I got caught getting off with a lamp post”
17. “I think you’ve eaten enough”
16. “You should go and help with the dishes”
15. “be quiet, no shoosh, shut your mouth”
14. “You eat like a bin”
13. “I showed my Mum your picture, she thinks I can do better”
12. “yeah I’ll see you again, I feel a bit sorry for you.”
11. “I’ve had chlamydia six times now, it’s everywhere”
10. “I’m actually married”
9. “my wife is actually in the bar next door, but she’s cool with this”
8. “I can’t stay long I have another date after this”
7. “Can you drive me home?”
6. “I’m really into model trains, do you like this one?”
5. “Have you always had a double chin?”
4. “she wasn’t a girl”
3. “My stag do is next weekend”
2. “Send me a picture from the toilet”
1. “Sorry, my tag is itching”
Most of the women saw the funny side of things but needless to say a few of the dates came to an abrupt end. If you have a date this week be careful what you say, I really don’t want to add more to this list.
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