THERE is a satirical Twitter account called @GetInTheSea that does a canny line in mocking cringeworthy people, events or trends in modern culture that – as the name suggests – need to be banished to the depths of Davy Jones' Locker post haste. Think of it like a ramped-up Room 101.
In recent months those to incur its wrath have included YouTube celebrities, grammatically incorrect tattoos, a dog owner who dressed her pooch in double denim, anyone who makes knitted replicas of the Royal family and a pop-up hipster bar selling gin out of the boot of a Morris Minor.
I thought of @GetInTheSea when I heard news this week about a Chinese laboratory that has genetically engineered miniature pigs. Now, you might remember that for a fleeting period back in 2009 (and again this summer), micropigs were the celebrity pet of choice.
Victoria Beckham, Charlotte Church, Tom Daley, Miley Cyrus and Paris Hilton are among those rumoured to have welcomed the pitter-patter of tiny hooves into their lives. But what many owners soon discovered to their peril is that micropigs quickly turned into macro porkers.
The trend appeared – thankfully – to have waned but now scientists at the Beijing Genomics Institute have reportedly developed "gene-edited" pigs that not only stay miniature – but could also come with the colour scheme and coat pattern of your choice.
Do not adjust your reading glasses, you did pick that up correctly. Although I'm not sure I have written quite as distasteful a sentence in a long time.
As if pigs haven't had it bad enough lately between Kermit ditching Miss Piggy for a younger model and Prime Minister David Cameron's unfortunate #piggate. Which only leaves for me to say: scientists at the Beijing Genomics Institute? Get. In. The. Sea.
Actually, while I'm at it, there's a few other things I would like to chuck in there. This list, while extensive is not exhaustive, and includes: Ugg boots. Katie Hopkins. Jeremy Corbyn's black socks. People who use the phrase "bantz". Man-spreaders on public transport (I have a sizeable behind and need my entire seat thanks very much). Bear Grylls and his obsession with drinking his own urine.
There's more. Restaurants that serve food on slates, lumps of wood and in tiny metal buckets. Cocktails in jam jars. Philistines who don't watch Parks and Recreation. Fellow travellers that remove their socks and shoes on planes. Folk who spend entire concerts recording things on their mobile phones.
Net curtain twitchers and lurkers on Facebook. Half beards. Chancers with made-up dairy and wheat allergies (genuine sympathy to those with real ones). Pre-ripped jeans. Jeggings. Scarves worn with T-shirts. I'll stop there. Is it any wonder the world's sea levels are rising?
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here