A FEW readers are just returning from late summer holidays, and a south-side reader tells us about being at the beautiful St Mark's Square in Venice when he heard a distinctly Scottish voice at a nearby table querying the astonishingly large bill for two coffees. The waiter explained to him that there was a sizeable surcharge for the musicians playing in the background. "If I'd known," replied the Scotsman loudly, "that I was going to be paying for the music - I'd have listened to it."

THE subterfuge of Volkswagen and its doctored emission tests continues to dominate the news. A reader phones to tell us: "You just can't trust Volkswagen at all now. I'm beginning to think that Herbie wasn't a true story."

GOOD to see that the Fox and Hounds in Houston is to reopen after being bought by locals Graeme and Karen Finnie. We recall the lovely old pub's brush with stardom when crooner Neil Diamond booked it out for a meal with friends and crew before appearing at Hampden Park, about seven years ago. It was really remembered by the then staff as he left a £200 tip. "Diamond geezer" as they naturally told everyone afterwards.

YOU can tell that politics has changed in Scotland when "The Internationale" tartan, named after the workers' revolution song, and approved by the Scottish Socialist Party, has been accepted by the Scottish Register of Tartans. It is, naturally, a mainly red tartan, with squares of grey and lines of yellow, in a rather fetching contrast. Designer David McGill in Edinburgh tells us that the colours were suggested by the Suffragettes' battle-hymn Bread and Roses - grey mills, rising suns and so on.

We think a picture of Jeremy Corbyn in an Internationale kilt would put him on every paper's front page.

IT'S not often that a reader wishes there was a misprint in The Herald, but when he read the interview with Beechgrove Garden stalwart Jim McColl in yesterday's edition, Jim McDonald in Carluke wished that when Mr McColl was quoted as saying that he was still "compos mentis" at 80, just once the paper could have changed it to "compost mentis".

WE mentioned the last old-fashioned Gorbals bar, Sharkey's the other day, and John Cassidy recalls: "I was playing music one Saturday night in Sharkey's lounge, when a female, who was rather the worse for wear, informed me that she had been to a christening in the morning and then she and a few friends decided to make a day of it. I asked her what church the christening had taken place in, and after a few moments thinking she slurred, 'Our Lady of Consumption in Govanhill'."

It should have been Our Lady of Consolation - unless she was referring to the communion wine, thought John.

BOOKIES Paddy Power were offering a free £50 bet for the person who suggested a bigger villain than Chelsea's Diego Costa, who is frequently accused of sneaky fouls and play-acting. We like the punter who suggested: "The fella currently fixing my boiler. Why? He ate my last three Jaffa cakes."

A READER sees the Evening Times headline "Thatcher to blame for Scotland not qualifying for World cups says Sir Alex Ferguson" and ponders: "Was she the big no 9 in the Peru top at the Argentina World Cup?"