LABOUR’S new Shadow Cabinet has been blasted by critics for not appointing women to the top jobs.
The news that Mary Poppins is to be re-made for the cinema has given two Labour spin doctors food for thought.
“That’s what we need, a Mary Poppins figure in the Shadow Cabinet!” said Spin Doctor 1,” excitedly. “Home Secretary!”
“Your brain’s turned to popcorn,” said his colleague.
“No, think about it. She’s the perfect embodiment of the ideals were trying to sell to the nation.”
“What? She was a posh totty nanny. And we’ve got a socialist leader who makes Marx seem like a moderate.”
“No, she sounded posh. But she’s an egalitarian, like JC.”
“Jesus Christ?”
“No, Jeremy Corbyn. Our leader. (pauses) Think about it, didn’t she become best friends with Bert the lowly chimney sweep and encourage the kids to be like him?”
“I don’t think sending kids up chimneys again is the way ahead . . .”
“No, in terms of core values. And when she realised Bert was an artist she backed him with cash, clearly an Arts community activist.”
“She’s carpet bagger! A flying freelance nuisance.”
“No, she’s anti-austerity! Didn’t she manage to convince Mr Banks the evil banker to change his ways, to allow Michael to spend a little money?”
“Okay, but she fed the kids sugar!”
“Come on. That was just to get the medicine down, a metaphor to teach them life’s bitter pills have to be swallowed now and again. The sugar was just a little quantitative easing.”
“She represented the Nanny State. Tony would be beside himself if we brought in a Mary P.”
“Tony’s most likely beside a Bush, or a Saudi Arabian businessman at this time. Any Poppins believed in the free-thinking individual, of kite flying and fun rather than kids staring at tablets all day. And the lampooning of big ladies in the movie? She was all about fighting obesity.”
“Funny, I don’t remember Mary Poppins being political?”
“Are you mad, man? She turned Mrs Banks into a suffragette! And as an economic migrant herself, from wherever, she’ll be up for taking in more than 20k. The lefties will love her.”
“But will Jeremy love her?”
“What? He’s part of the movie cast already. He’s the mad grandad on the roof firing the canons at the Tories. He’ll love her.”
“But she leapt off that cartoon horse on the carousel, entered a race – and won it. She’ll be seen as a Leadership contender - and therefore a threat.”
“No she won’t. Remember, she doesn’t stay too long anywhere. She solves a problem - and moves on.”
“Look, it’s a good idea. But a Mary Poppins would be too soft, all that tuppence to save the birds stuff.”
“You kidding? The animal welfare charities right behind us. And consider this; when she turned up at the Banks’ residence didn’t she vanish all the opponents for the job?”
“Ha! You’re so right. Let’s get a Poppins. The Tory Boy and Nicola are in for a shock.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here