The hacking of dating and similar websites has revealed the widespread interest in such things. I have to admit being an avid reader of the low-tech version - the newspaper lonely-hearts column. My interest is purely for research purposes you understand, and, besides, it helps keep my wife on her toes.
It seems an increasing number of older people are seeking soulmates this way. Perhaps it’s due to the rising divorce rate amongst we non-IT savvy babyboomers. We see ads as simpler and safer than the Internet.
The lonely heart ad has a long history, going back more than 300 years. In the first recorded example a gentleman sought a lady with “a fortune of £3,000 or thereabouts”. Ah, don’t we all? Seeking romance in this way however, can be a trap for unwary oldies. An added complication is that many ads are coded in ways that would have challenged Bletchley Park. If you think BGLT is a type of sandwich this is probably not for you.
Most ads offer brief descriptions of the advertiser’s age and appearance and it’s important to read for nuance between the lines. For example, “Handsome with personality to match” – so why are you advertising here then? “Youthful/Young at heart” – wears granddaughter’s old leggings. “Late 60s” – 75. “Around 6 feet” – 5’ 8”. “Cuddly”/”Bubbly”/”Curvy”/”Sturdy”/”Strongly built” – fat. “Footloose”/”Able to travel” – being evicted next week.
To whet readers’ interest, personal qualities and hobbies are often provided. “GSOH” – irritating laugh. “Own home and car” – unattractive but well-heeled. “Loves long walks” – banned or failed driver eye test. “Independent traveller” – own bus pass. “Interested in theatre and arts” – bingo on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Interested in theatre, arts and culture” – bingo on Tuesdays and Thursdays in Edinburgh. “Relaxed and laid back” – drink problem. “Eating out” – can’t cook.
And so it goes on. “All responses answered” – desperate. “Age immaterial” – really desperate. “Age and appearance immaterial” – really desperate and no replies to last three ads. “Must be active and fit” – need help with garden. “Must be animal lover “ – dog sleeps on bed. “For friendship and possibly more” – just finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey. “Seeking discreet relationship” – married.
Sergeant Pepper celebrated being part of a lonely-hearts’ club band. Oldies joining this lonely-hearts band and who WLTM someone who’ll still need them and still feed them when they’re 64 - emptor cavete.
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