WE mentioned confusing phone-calls with parents. Mary Duncan in Baillieston shows us the other side of the coin by recalling: "I was phoning my friend in East Kilbride who, like me, has a son named Andrew. My son also has an EK phone code. I clicked on the wrong one and a male voice answered. I said, 'Hello, Andrew, is your Mum in?' My confused - and worried son said, 'You are my Mum!'"

LIPPY teenagers continued. A reader on the sough side said that as it had turned a little chilly he searched for a favourite garment, and eventually shouted out to the household: "Have you seen my denim jacket?"

His teenage daughter shouted back: "I've just checked. It's not going to be the Eighties today."

ONLY An Excuse’s creator Phil Differ has experienced publicity problems with his new play MacBraveheart, a satirical look at Scotland today, which is described in promotional material as “treading the fine line between dark, visceral theatre and disappearing up one’s own arse.” So far 10 of the 14 theatres are happy with that, although the Ayr Gaiety has changed the wording to “backside”, two have gone with “fundament” and Houston has settled for “a*se”.

“What would Rabbie Burns say?” ponders Phil.

A READER swears to us that he heard a woman in a Glasgow bar tell her pals when they were discussing their respective partners: "My husband's my rock.

"He just sits around the house doing nothing."

SKY News reported that a number of Celtic season ticket holders have been sent a letter from the club regarding personal hygiene, after a complaint from a fellow fan saying someone in his section was spoiling his enjoyment by being a bit whiffy.

Inevitably a Rangers fan has commented on Sky that the famous Celtic fans' anthem "Walk On" will be changed to "You'll Never Wear Cologne".

A READER phones to tell us: "Accidentally put my phone on airplane mode and within minutes a fat businessman wedged himself next to me on the sofa, and a child started kicking the back of my seat."

THERE'S probably a few gym regulars who would agree with Michele Catalano who tells us: "Fifteen treadmills in the gym and just me. Then two girls get on either side of me and start talking over me. What's that about?"

A READER getting the train into Glasgow heard a young man who was flicking through his mobile phone tell his pals: "Half the contacts in my phone deliver food."

OH and something nice to come out of social media after so many folk saying how bad it can be. Young Wigan student Aaron Merry contacted Scots chef Gordon Ramsay asking for advice after being fired from his new job as a chef after mentioning he was epileptic. Ramsay's reply? "That's ridiculous. I'll offer you a job."

Well done.