It’s been a good week for ... pushing up the daisies

Monty Python’s Terry Gilliam is not stunned, resting or pining for the fjords. He’s very much alive ... contrary to anything you might have read in Variety magazine. Hollywood's industry bible mistakenly declared that Gilliam had died and published his obituary. The 74-year-old responded in a typically Pythonesque style by apologising for "being dead".

Variety's obituary was published on Tuesday, with the headline: "Monty Python's Terry Gilliam, director of Brazil, dies at XXX."

The online report began: "Director Terry Gilliam, the only American member of the Monty Python comedy troupe and an Oscar nominee for the screenplay to his film Brazil, has died."

It was live for several hours before someone at the website corrected the mistake and posted an apology on Twitter: "Correction," it read. "Variety incorrectly published an article stating that director Terry Gilliam passed away. We're deeply sorry for the mistake."

This prompted Gilliam to post on Facebook: "I apologise for being dead especially to those who have already bought tickets to the upcoming talks, but, Variety has announced my demise. Don't believe their retraction and apology!"

Please insert your own dead parrot joke here ...

It’s been a bad week for ... baking

It seems today's women are more interested in DIY than scone-making. When Scottish Women's Institute (SWI) asked 1000 women what 20 skills they'd like to learn, respondents – who were aged 18 to 95 – put languages, a musical instrument, arts, DIY and sports in the top five. Sewing came sixth and baking 17th.

A small number of respondents listed other pursuits including free running, survival skills and contortion; one said she'd like to learn how to become a witch.

The survey also examined proficiency in traditional SWI talents, and found that 100% of respondents in the Highlands could bake a cake, and 100% of Orkney members have dressmaking skills. Those two areas also came out top for proficiency in technology and social media.

I’m sure if they'd been asked if they could put up a shelf, they’d have said yes to that, too. Contortion and witchcraft skills? Check. Free running? No bother. Answering yes to everything in a boring survey? Definitely yes.