BIG day for the Queen yesterday - longest reigning monarch and opening the Borders railway. Looking at the picture of Queen Liz sitting on the train with First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, a reader swears to us that what the Queen was actually thinking was: "So 63 years on the throne and they give one a train ride with Nicola Sodding Sturgeon. Thanks a bloody bunch, Britain. Thrilled."

Another reader muses: "The Queen takes being the longest reigning monarch in her stride. 'It's all in a day's work,' she said. 'Whatever that is'."

HOWEVER we're not sure how sincere he was when Gerry Delaney told us: "Well done Elizabeth Windsor! She's been Head of State for so long that most people don't even remember voting for her."

OVER in Los Vegas, much drama as passengers fled from a British Airways plane whose engine had caught fire. Comedy writer Sanjeev Kohli's take on it: "'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'. The quote from a very naive and hopeful man in British Airway's PR department."

Incidentally, the BBC quoted one of the escaping passengers as a woman called "Reggie Bugmuncher." Really? Can't help thinking it was someone who was in Vegas when they should have been somewhere else.

SAD to hear of the untimely death of Dundee United star Ralph Milne. We remember in his autobiography that he wrote about the fines mercurial manager Jim McLean used to slap on his players for various infringements - with Ralph being one of the worst offenders. When the club had one of their best season's ever, and won the premier league in the eighties, Ralph shouted out in the dressing room: "Hey, boss, see now that we've won the league, any chance I can get all my fines back? I've seen a house in the Ferry that I want to pay cash for."

While his team mates were in fits, McLean's reply cannot be repeated in a family newspaper.

SO where do musicians get their inspiration? You would think that Robert Fisher from the Californian country band Willard Grant Conspiracy, who are playing at Glasgow's Glad Cafe tonight, would find his say in the stark space of the Californian deserts, but Mike Ritchie tells us that when the band were last in Glasgow, Robert told the audience he composed one of his tunes while visiting someone's bathroom in Bearsden. Never realised Bearsden was so inspiring.

THAT great Scottish play exposing the worst excesses of capitalism on Scotland, The Cheviot, the Stag, and the Black Black Oil is being revived by Dundee Repertory Theatre this month after a gap of nearly a quarter of a century. We did worry that it was being forgotten about a few years ago when Edinburgh Filmhouse put out a press release saying their season of films celebrating Highland culture would include "The Cheviot, the Stag, and the Black, Black Olive."

WE asked what advice you would give your young self and John Mulholland wisely suggests: "Don't spend all your money on LP records. They will clog up your cupboards in years to come and you will end up wasting money buying the CD, the remastered CD and the iTunes download. Listen to the radio and invest the money you save in Apple shares."

OH no, he caught our eye. A colleague wanders over and declares: "As a kid I was forced to walk the plank.

"We couldn't afford a dog."