AHEAD of Prince Philip's 94th birthday this week, author Nigel Cawthorne has gathered the Prince's more memorable quotations together in the book I Know I am Rude But I Like It. Nigel argues that the Prince's more outrageous remarks are only his way of breaking the ice when meeting people for the first time.
The book for example recalls the Duke of Edinburgh, who was educated in Scotland, asking driving instructor Robert Drummond in Oban: "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?"
WE love TripAdvisor and its reviews. Ben Nevis, Britain's highest mountain, has many great reviews but we pass on the chap who gave it only one star and declared: "This was almost a full day's climbing and my girlfriend was crying at one point. When we did get to the top there was nothing there. Luckily we had brought some sandwiches and drinks, so anyone else climbing this one - BE WARNED - there are NO facilities at the top.
"This attraction is free but I honestly couldn't imagine anyone paying to climb this."
THE death of Scots politician Charles Kennedy reminds Robin Gilmour of reading in the BBC's Nick Robinson's election diary of filming Charles in a hospital where he asked a patient if he was going to vote. "Oh yes," was the reply. "I'll be voting Liberal Democrat."
"That's great," said Charles who unfortunately asked a further question. "And what are you in here for, may I ask?"
"Brain Surgery", he replied.
AYRSHIRE side Auchinleck Talbot won the Junior Cup at the weekend. One incident at the game was when three Musselburgh fans were huckled for letting-off flares, and were booed by the Talbot fans. As a chap from Cumnock at the game tells us: "When you are booed and branded a hooligan by folk from Auchinleck, you don't have much further to fall."
COMEDIAN Ken Dodd is back at the Glasgow Pavilion this month. We remember in his biography that Dodd recalled his debut as a young comic at the Glasgow Empire which he nicknamed the House of Terror. Said Doddy: "On the Monday morning the manager said, 'Right, who are the comedians?' And three of us stepped forward. And he said, 'No football gags - 'cause we need the seats - and Friday night all English comedians get the bird' - a slow hand clap.
"So, on the Friday I tottered on to the stage with my shirt hanging out and my hair all over the place, and this man uncoiled himself from the second row, looked up and said, 'Cripes! What a horrible sight!' "And that was my first laugh in Glasgow."
SAD to hear of the death of Rangers legend Colin "Bomber" Jackson. Entertainer Andy Cameron recalls: "I have a fond memory of Bomber's mum who was a silver- haired lady with a seat in the Members' Lounge at Ibrox. At half time she could be found in charge of a plate of pies which would have fed a small country, and only her table were allowed one!
"One night after a Rangers function I ran Bomber home and he said, 'If I can help you with tickets anytime just let me know.' I said that I was OK for tickets but if he could perhaps get his mammy to allocate a pie to me at half-time. Well at the next home game there was Colin's mum with a pie on a huge plate waiting for me, and after I'd scoffed the pie she came over with a cake! Bomber was a proper gentleman and his mammy was a real lady."
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