Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls was telling the Labour Party conference his plans for economic salvation of the UK and its people.

Balls could never be described as a smooth talker, so he must have other qualifications for the job. But I was not convinced by the bit of his speech where he described Ed Miliband as the next prime minister.

Frankly, I would need some cast-iron manifesto promises from Labour before I would send young Miliband up the road for some shopping. He's not convincing when it comes to messages. Even if all he had to do was hand the shopkeeper a note with the money wrapped in it I would worry about Ed M's ability to deliver the goods. Send him to Lidl and he would end up at Waitrose in an attempt to woo the middle-class vote.

Ed would be ages coming back because he was stood on a box outside the shop making a speech about caring Labour looking after pensioners. And there would be no change because he paid over the odds for the red peppers and aubergines.

Unless Ed Balls went with him to keep spending within budgetary limitations. Which would be an improvement on Blair and Brown who couldn't have gone for the messages without a fight breaking out. You wouldn't have sent Gordon to the Post Office for fear of a raid on your pension fund.

Cameron and Osborne would not do the shopping because they are in the business of taking food out of the mouths of the ordinary voter. They may recommend you take yourself to the nearest food bank or maybe show entrepreneurial spirit by starting a pop-up restaurant in your spare bedroom.

Nick Clegg and Danny Alexander would go but change the shopping list to suit themselves. You would want firm assurances from Charlie Kennedy he wouldn't help him himself to the bottle of wine from the M&S dinner for two.

Johann Lamont might want something for going because she is fed up with Scotland's something for nothing culture.

The issue of which British politician you would send for the messages may not relevant in the 2015 General Election if there is a Yes vote in the independence referendum.

Alex Salmond seems to have cut back his food intake and wouldn't add a ready-made chicken korma to the list and for eating on the way up the road.