Dookit of doom
IN the era before email, unlucky teachers sometimes discovered a slip of paper in their staffroom dookit.
This form was known as a YUFTI, which translated as: "Yufti take another class". The necessary details began with the expression ‘please take’.
Teacher Gordon Fisher from Stewarton recalls one Monday morning when there had been a terrible outbreak of hangovers (sorry, serious illness), and a frazzled depute was frantically trying to cover classes.
Gordon didn't ease the depute’s stress when he handed back his "please take" emblazoned "No thanks."
This chap shot Gordon an angry glare. Gordon responded by using an expression he had learned from an S3 girl: "Sakes man. Can you no take a joke?"
Apparently he couldn't.
Toilet training
WE continue with our tales of outrageous aviation antics. Former pilot Doug Maughan recalls one captain’s party piece. While his plane was airborne, this chap would emerge from the flight deck unrolling two long pieces of string. He’d then go up to an unsuspecting passenger seated in the front row of the cabin, offer them the two ends of string, then request that they hold onto the controls while he popped to the loo.
Shipping news
THE Diary remains the most eclectic column in the history of newspapers. To prove our point we thrillingly shift from tales about planes to stories about ships.
Seafaring fellow Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie recalls an engineer he sailed with who was a most contemplative cove.
He would enter the control room and state: "If things don’t change around here soon,” (at which point he would pause in a most suspenseful manner) “they will just have to stay the way they are.”
Dramatic entrance
SPORTS fan Oliver Hall persuaded his theatre-loving girlfriend to watch a game of footy on the telly.
“Never again,” shudders Oliver, who adds: “When a player came off the bench she said: ‘Is that the understudy?’”
Religious reverie
THE Diary continues asking the big, existential questions that have troubled generations of philosophers and poets. Yesterday we wondered if a singer, confused about his identity, has an alto ego.
Adding further complications to the debate, Denis Bruce from Bishopbriggs demands to know: “Does an ordained minister have an altar ego?”
Follicles of folly
THOUGHT for the day from reader Neil Murray: “Never trust an electrician with frizzy hair.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel