How smartphones, narcissism and materialism are making children 'mad'

Weinstock is one of the most acclaimed child psychotherapists working today. A best-selling author, his latest book – aptly named How The World Is Making Our Children Mad, And What To Do About It – is being lauded by psychologists and politicians as “transformational” when it comes to good parenting.

Louis Weinstock

I sat down with Weinstock to talk about what’s happening to children. He brings together three huge themes. First, there’s the indisputable fact that the young are experiencing a mental health crisis the like of which we’ve never seen. Secondly, he makes clear this crisis isn’t down to “organic” mental illness, rather it’s ‘environmental’.

By environmental, he doesn’t mean the state of weather, he means the state of the world – the ugliness of the society in which children exist. And, thirdly, we – the adults – need to shoulder responsibility for this crisis, as we have created this rotten environment, this broken society that’s breaking children.

“We don’t spend enough time talking, thinking, or doing anything about the environmental impact on children’s minds,” he says, “even though there’s tons of research to show – and it’s just obvious that the environment in which our children grow up affects their mental health.

“The dominant narrative is: if children have some kind of mental health problem, it’s probably something to do with their brain going faulty. Therefore the right treatment would be medication. We need a different perspective.”

Around one in five children and young people suffered a mental health disorder last year. An estimated 7% of UK children attempt suicide by age 17. One in four, Weinstock explains, self-harmed in the past year. One in 36 are on the autism spectrum – 80 years ago, it was one in 2500. Levels of ADHD now stand at 3.62% of boys and 0.85% of girls. In America, one in 91 children were diagnosed with autism in 2009, by 2017 it was one in 40. If these trends continue, says Weinstock, “by 2041, one in 10 will have autism.”

This mental health crisis hasn’t come out of nowhere. Much of the problem is down to us: adults and parents. Weinstock says that the “environment” – the world we’ve created – is having profoundly troubling effects on children.

As the famous poem This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin says: “They f*** you up your mum and dad, they may not mean to, but they do.”

This isn’t simply about being cruel to children and “breaking” them with violence, neglect or emotional abuse. We can pass on our own hang-ups and toxic behaviours; allow our children to be exposed to parts of the world they’re just too young to deal with, specifically the online world; and even “kill them with kindness” – being “over-protective” causes serious problems as well, Weinstock says.

Living with troubled parents will have an impact on children’s mental health

Individualism

The values which we espouse as adults can be among the most dangerous threats to child mental health. “Young people’s mental health is getting worse all over the world, but particularly in countries and cultures that are more individualistic. Materialistic, individualistic cultures have higher increases in anxiety, depression, self-harm and suicide.”

In America – the world’s most individualistic, materialistic society – one in four girls aged 12-17 now report major depressive episodes. Girls seem more impacted than boys. Studies show this rise “correlates” to the period when smartphones really took off around 2010.

The mental health crisis clearly stretches beyond childhood. At the beginning of the 20th century, one in 1,000 adults had psychiatric conditions. Today, it’s one in four. Evidently, living with troubled parents will have an impact on children’s mental health.

Weinstock dismisses claims that the rise in child mental health problems is down to “better recognition” by doctors or “increased self-reporting”. A&E statistics in Britain show there’s been a 79.4% increase since 2011 of young people self-harming. That’s evidently got nothing to do with better recognition or self-reporting. Rather, it speaks to underlying mental health problems.

Better recognition of physical illness nearly always leads to better outcomes for patients. But with mental health conditions, outcomes have “either stayed the same or got worse”. That means, Weinstock says, “the ‘better recognition thesis’ doesn’t stand up”.

He worries about the huge increase in prescribing antidepressants for children. Since 2015, prescriptions for under-12s rose 41%. “However, the most common method of attempted self-harm and suicide in young people is taking prescribed antidepressant medication. That’s not such a paradox when you know that the side effects of antidepressant medication can increase suicidality.”

With self-harm, in Britain there’s been a 48% increase among girls and 37% increase among boys in recent years. In America, suicide rates were “fairly stable” until 2010, but then among 10 to 19 year-olds it rose 48%; for girls aged 10 to 14, it rose 131%.

When it comes to rises in ADHD, autism and other conditions labelled “neurodivergent”, Weinstock notes that “if the trend continues we’ll get to the point where the idea of somebody being ‘different’ becomes meaningless”. Ironically, the crisis is escalating at such a rate, he says, that being neurodivergent will soon become the norm.

The key to understanding the advent of the child mental heath crisis is simply to ask: “What’s different about the world today?” A big part of the answer is smartphones and social media pumping fear, hate and images of unobtainable lifestyles into children’s minds.

Smartphones have changed the way children communicate and view the world 

Algorithms

THERE have always been wars and disasters, but now they come algorithmically targeted every second of every day, riling up extreme emotions in children and their parents.

Ironically, much of the world is safer today than ever before, Weinstock adds. In Britain, the risk of child abduction, for example, “is incredibly low. Your child is more likely to be hit by lightning – more likely to take their own life”.

Yet parents in Weinstock’s consulting room “say there are more horrible, dangerous people out there, even though that’s not true”. The mainstream media’s 24/7 news cycle is also ramping up fear. He notes the “sensationalist” reporting around the disappearance of Madeline McCann, an event which many pre-teen children became obsessed about.

Weinstock says studies show that “proximity to disaster is no longer a solid predictor of the psychological impact [of the disaster]”. In other words, just seeing mass deaths on TV or rioting on social media can leave children traumatised.

Children are also exposed to extreme sexual images online. This climate of fear, shock and erosion of “innocence” doesn’t just affect child mental health, it leads to over-protective parents – and that can be just as harmful.

“Children need to be exposed to a certain level of risk,” Weinstock says. The notion of children playing outside is all but dead in modern Britain. However, children need freedom to climb trees, cut their knees, scrape their elbows and go exploring far from home. “Potential danger grows resilience,” Weinstock adds. So “unsupervised play” is vital to child mental health.

The one threat which children can’t be left exposed to comes from the online world. Parents, Weinstock says, shouldn’t wait for governments to “regulate” the likes of Elon Musk’s Twitter, now called X. “They need to understand that social media and smartphones represent a real harm to their children’s mental health.

“So, just as you would with alcohol or cigarettes, you have very clear boundaries. You might let your 15-year-old have a glass of wine with you at dinner, but you wouldn’t let them take a bottle of whisky to bed.

“Similarly, with social media and smartphones, my rule is: bedrooms are for sleeping. Young people can’t have unfiltered access to phones in their bedrooms at night – that’s when the bad stuff happens.”

He notes the cases of Molly Russell and Murray Dowey. Molly was 14 when she took her life. Her parents found material about suicide on her Instagram account. Murray, from Dunblane, was 16. He ended his life when he became the victim of a “sextortion” gang on Instagram.

“It’s getting to the point where the bedroom isn’t a safe place any more,” Weinstock adds.

There are simple things we can do to look after our children’s mental health

– and they don’t involve screens. Studies show that 20 minutes’ walk in “green spaces, like parks” reduces ADHD symptoms “as effectively as Ritalin medication”. Weinstock recommends “regular, deep immersion in nature”.

Austerity

Governments tend to invest money “at the point of crisis” for children’s mental health – when young people are already in trouble – rather than spend preventatively to stop the crisis in the first place. Clearly, living in poverty does little to aid child mental health either.

Austerity has led to child mental health services increasingly “prescribing apps”

– like software which perhaps teaches mindfulness – as a “cheaper alternative to in-person therapy”.

Child ADHD and autism are more prevalent in “urban” areas and “poorer neighbourhoods” see more child ADHD. Being the youngest in class – and therefore “developmentally behind” the rest of the year – “increases the likelihood of ADHD”. The Scandinavian model of pre-school “play-based education”, and then sending children to school later – aged eight – “seems to work so much better”.

We’re also experiencing “an epidemic of loneliness”, Weinstsock explains. “Individualism and loneliness are highly correlated”. Divorce, the decline of the extended family, and fragmented communities all fuel child loneliness. “Loneliness is a critical ingredient in bad mental health.” Clearly, the pandemic and lockdown increased the sense of isolation and claustrophobia felt by many children, especially poorer children with little space at home.

Weinstock detests the slur “snowflakes” being thrown at the young. He thinks they’re often “more enlightened and courageous” than we were at their age.

Rather, we should focus on the dangerous flaws in the world we’ve created – and what that’s doing to children. Of the approximate 350 recognised mental illnesses, only a handful are “biological in origin” – conditions like schizophrenia, where tell-tale signs are observable in the brain. Most conditions are down to environmental factors.

“Children aren’t making up that they’re struggling. But you must ask why they’re struggling.” Weinstock says that making “changes to the environment” in which children find themselves can “alleviate their symptoms”, rather than relying on “medication”.

For example, children born to autistic parents are more likely to be autistic. Early intervention around social communication “rewires the brain, and shows reduced rates of autism. It feels controversial to say, but these conditions – like ADHD and autism – aren’t, in some cases, set in stone. There’s a possibility they can be improved. We know the brain is plastic.”

Clearly, then, if children spend large amounts of time on screens – or if parents are screen-obsessed – communication and social skills, and mental health, are at risk. Think of the “iPad-as-nanny” trend.

Put simply: if many mental health problems are environmental, then by altering the environment we help children. “We’ve missed that from the argument around neurodiversity.”

If children spend large amounts of time on screens, communication and social skills, and mental health are at risk

Narcissism

MODERN culture encourages “unhealthy, toxic” narcissism – the “selfie” is the great symbol for that. “Children are confronted with the possibility of their own reflection all the time.” It reinforces the notion that they’re the centre of the world.

However, as Weinstock says, “the real world doesn’t treat you as special”. That clash becomes “a difficult reality” for some children.

Why, he wonders, do we need to look at our own image on WhatsApp or FaceTime calls, or in Zoom meetings? It reinforces narcissism.

This doesn’t mean children should be ignored to counter the risk of narcissism and its negative effects on mental wellbeing. There are “healthy” forms of narcissism in children which should be encouraged. Think of your child learning to ride their bike and wanting the entire world to look at their success. That’s good. Responding positively as parents validates them and helps them know they’re loved.

Smaller families also encourage a degree of narcissism. Large families in earlier periods meant lots of children competed for parental attention. With families of just one or two now common, children “come to expect a spotlight from the world”.

Evidently, the clash between the glamorous – often highly-fake – lifestyles which social media influencers promote online is so far removed from the lives of most children that it too causes anxiety and undermines self-esteem. “They’re been given the message they need to have a platform. It’s a really toxic mix,” Weinstock adds.

Evidently, it’s impossible in the 21st century to prevent children using screens, but Weinstock recommends strict time limits, and parental controls set to max. “You need to get the balance right,” he adds. Cutting children off completely from the digital world could inadvertently increase feelings of isolation.

It goes without saying that all these pressures eroding child mental health, which have been discussed so far – screens, social media, individualism, materialism, narcissism, the harshness of the modern world – also impact their parents. Living with sad, anxious, depressed parents will obviously affect the mental health of children.

Weinstock recommends strict time limits, and parental controls set to max

Drugs

WEINSTOCK is deeply uncomfortable with the way the pharmaceutical industry has targeted child mental health, particularly given the risk of suicidal side effects. “There’s no evidence whatsoever that depression is due to biochemical imbalance in the brain, but the narrative that’s built up is that these pills work because they change serotonin levels in your brain, and you’re depressed because you’ve got a biochemical imbalance – in other words, it’s nothing to do with the environment.

“If the environment was included in understanding the rise in depression then obviously we’d be looking at different options than just medication.”

Weinstsock does add, however, that “it’s important to say that antidepressants do work for some people”. He also questions the close links between the pharmaceutical industry and the medical profession when it comes to promotion of antidepressants and “the medicalisation of misery”.

One of the most important things we can do for our children is “validate their feelings”. Weinstock tells the story of 14-year-old boy, whom he calls by the pseudonym Ainsley. His behaviour led to him being kicked out of school. He’d been reading about climate change and “went into a hopeless pit of despair. Nobody was listening to him”. Ainsley couldn’t understand why no adult seemed scared, and he “felt the whole world was fake”.

By simply telling Ainsley that the world could indeed seem frightening, Weinstock “validated his feelings. That was the gateway to him feeling less alone”. Ainsley was able to trust an adult. “Having a trusted adult is probably the single-most important ingredient in children’s mental health and resilience.

“You can’t trust adults if they’re constantly telling you that you should be feeling something other than what you’re feeling.” Simply telling Ainsley that “everything is fine, and there’s nothing to worry about” wasn’t the way to help him. Yet, ironically, that’s how many parents respond to distressed children. They’re just “papering over the cracks”.

There’s a flip side here. Ainsley had succumbed to what Weinstock nicknames “Mean World Syndrome”

– where being bombarded with fear and anxiety leads to a negative spiral. So it’s also important to tell children about “the good in the world”. Angry, tired, anxious parents in the digital age might not do that as often as they should.

Weinstock uses the example of a lollipop man who does good all day long helping children cross the road. Pointing out such small acts of kindness can “rewire the brain and develop feedbacks loop of hope that the world isn’t all bad”.

Compassion

ADULTS also need to “tend to the roots of madness within themselves” if they’re to parent well. This isn’t just about realising our own bad behaviour and toxic emotions – fear, hate, rage, envy, despair – rub off on our children. We also as adults often “disown” these negative parts of ourselves, and pretend they don’t exist. If we accept our faults, then we can be more understanding of similar faults in our children.

Weinstock has even noted that if a child is troubled, then the parent also likely experienced problems when they were young.

If the parent can recognise they have this “unresolved” problem and confront that – maybe through therapy – then they’ll be much more help to their troubled child.

“If there’s something about your child’s mental health that you’re worried about, the first place to look should be within yourself. We are the environment in which our children grow. We’re the filter though which they experience the world.

“So clearly we have an outsized impact on the way they see the world and themselves.”

That requires “bravery” on behalf of parents – as looking deeply at your faults is uncomfortable.

Weinstock gives an example of a nine-year-old boy who was becoming aggressive and threatened to harm himself by drinking bleach. During therapy for the boy it emerged his mother had experienced “unresolved traumatic loss” in childhood herself. By dealing with her own issues, the mother became better at handling her son’s problems.

So some “compassion” for ourselves

– recognising and dealing with the pain we maybe experienced in childhood – will make us better parents.

“If parents can find compassion for the parts of themselves they’ve compartmentalised, that allows them to have more compassion for their children. What you find difficult to accept about your child is usually reflecting back something that you find difficult to accept about yourself.”

So when it comes to being a good parent, the surest route to success is simply being “self-aware”. Though, for many, that’s obviously easier said than done.

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IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH CHILD MENTAL HEALTH DIAGNOSES?

LOUIS Weinstock does worry about “overdiagnosis” to some degree.

He notes that when some parents bring children to him, fearful that they have ADHD, for example, he’s explored where and when symptoms exhibit most. Often, he says, “symptoms completely go away when children aren’t in school. So maybe the problem isn’t so much your child’s brain, but to do with the environment”.

Children, he says, “aren’t designed to sit still for long periods of time engaging with abstract concepts like fractions”. As children are, thankfully, no longer beaten at school for misbehaving, some may respond to the strictures of education in ways which seem similar to ADHD.

One simple solution, says Weinstock, is to make “body and brain breaks” standard in schools. Parents shouldn’t put too much academic pressure on children.

The psychiatric profession also “expanded the scope and definition” of some mental health conditions like autism. The condition moved from being “originally a really acute disability” towards a series of symptoms on a “spectrum”. That meant “more people fitted the definition”.

Additionally, extra support for pupils in schools is predicated on children being diagnosed with particular conditions. “There’s pressure on parents to get the diagnosis, so their child gets extra support.”

Social media may also be encouraging children to believe they have mental health problems when they don’t. TikTok has influencers “dancing around pointing to words on screen saying ‘five signs you’ve got ADHD’,” says Weinstock.

Videos of people with Tourette’s tics have gone viral, causing paediatricians to warn “about the rise in referrals for Tourette’s from children who have seen these videos and convinced themselves they had tics”.

Weinstock adds: “I worry about the link between identity, status and having a diagnosis. We’re in an age where a big part of culture is having something different about you, it’s a badge of honour. God forbid you should be so-called ‘normal’.”

This is obviously only a small part of the rise in mental health conditions among the young, and Weinstock suspects that a “counter-trend” will come along “where suddenly it’s hip to be square again”.

OUR LIVES CAN IMPRINT ON OUR UNBORN BABY’S DNA

WE all know that smoking, drinking and drug-taking damage the unborn child. But the groundbreaking science of epigenetics shows how our life experiences can leave indelible marks on a child’s DNA.

Louis Weinstock refers to what’s known as “the Dutch Famine Cohort”. During the Second World War, hunger hit Holland. Scientists later studied the medical histories of children born to women pregnant at the time. These children stood a greater chance of becoming obese, as well as other medical conditions.

“Their babies were being prepared in utero for an environment where there wasn’t going to be enough food. By the time they were born, the famine was gone, but they continued to have this thrifty metabolism.”

This is what Weinstock calls “epigenetic inherited trauma”. In other words, the experiences of our parents and grandparents can leave lasting marks on our own genetic makeup, drastically affecting our lives.

The genes of children “carry a kind of memory”, he says. “Our bodies retain memories of the experiences of our ancestors, it gets encoded into our DNA.”

The famous “Mouse Cherry Blossom Study” proves the point. Mice enjoy eating cherries. Scientists investigated epigenetic intergenerational trauma by exposing mice to the smell of cherry blossom while giving them electric shocks.

The mice quickly associated the smell they liked with pain and shunned cherries. When these mice had babies, the babies also reacted with fear when they smelled cherries, even though they’d never experienced any associated pain.

To rule out that the babies weren’t somehow being “taught” to fear cherries by their traumatised parents, they were raised by mice which had never smelled cherries or been shocked. The grandchildren of the mice which had been traumatised also showed fear when exposed to the smell.

The sensitivity was linked back to “epigenetic modifications” in sperm DNA. Chemical markers were found on genes encoding the smell receptor that sensed cherries. When the mice brains were dissected, there were more neurons linked to detecting cherry blossom than in other mice. Now, what happened in Amsterdam and that mouse laboratory is just an extreme way to prove that the “environment”

– the world we create as adults – has profound effects on our children.