The funniest joke of this year's Edinburgh Fringe has been crowned, with comic Mark Simmons taking the top spot.
In his 10th year at the festival, he was given the gong for his one-liner: "I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it".
His gags have placed 9th, 6th, and 2nd in U&Dave’s Joke of the Fringe before going on to win it this year.
To seek out the best one-liners and wisecracks for the greatly anticipated Joke of the Fringe Award, U&Dave recruited an expert panel of acclaimed judges, including some of the leading comedy critics in the UK and fellow comedians.
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These panellists attended hundreds of shows across the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, listening out for those jokes which tickled them the most, then submitted their ten favourites. This shortlist was then submitted anonymously - without the name of the comic involved - to a public vote of 2,000 Brits, after which the funniest was revealed.
Mr Simmons said: “I’m really chuffed to win U&Dave’s Funniest Joke of the Fringe. I needed some good news as I was just fired from my job marking exam papers, can’t understand it, I always gave 110%.”
Cherie Hall, U&Dave Channel Director, said “We are ecstatic to announce this year’s winner of U&Dave’s Joke of the Fringe, Mark Simmons, and their winning joke. This year’s Top 15 list features a hilarious blend of jokes that are sure to keep us laughing until the next Joke of the Fringe!
It’s already been an exciting year for us, with the return of World’s Most Dangerous Roads and the launch of Battle in the Box, while we are looking forward to Jamali Maddix: Follow The Leader and Will & Ralf Should Know Better. With the Joke of the Fringe now in its fifteenth year, U&Dave is still committed to supporting great comedy and brilliant gags.”
U&Dave’s Top 15 Funniest Jokes of the Fringe Festival 2024
1) I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it. - Mark Simmons
2) I've been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don't feel like I'm progressing. It's just one step forward... two steps back. - Alec Snook
3) Ate horse at a restaurant once - wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful. - Alex Kitson
4) I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it. - Arthur Smith
5) I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it. - Mark Simmons
6) My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes - Olaf Falafel
7) British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? - Chelsea Birkby
8) I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I've cracked it. - Masai Graham
9) My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had - Zoë Coombs Marr
10) The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati. - Olaf Falafel
11) I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’. - Sarah Keyworth
12) I've got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I'd never bought her that vineyard - Roger Swift
13) Gay people are very bad at maths. We don't naturally multiply. - Lou Wall
14) Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher - Sophie Duker
15) Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects 1% of people - Olga Koch
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