It began with anxiety.

Max* had struggled with the problem throughout his teens, but it was only later that his mother realised he had begun to self-medicate by smoking cannabis.

The waiting list for Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services was so long that the NHS advised he should be referred to the adult mental health service instead as - by the time he was seen - he would probably be too old for CAMHS.


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By the time he was 17, Max was binge drinking alcohol - usually Buckfast - sometimes with friends to socialise, but other times on his own to calm his nerves.

As the anxiety worsened, he dropped out of college and then struggled to turn up for work as a labourer.

His mother, Linda*, who lives in the Borders, said a growing dependence on alcohol, cocaine and benzodiazepines such as 'street Valium' started to have a disastrous impact on her son's moods.

She said: "He was having panic attacks. There were times when he punched holes in his bedroom wall.

"He wasn't usually a person with a temper but all of a sudden he'd have these outbursts and then he would feel really down afterwards and shut himself away in his room.

"He didn't understand why he found it difficult. He couldn't pinpoint why he felt like that - he was just constantly anxious.

"He was trying to self-medicate but it meant that his moods were going up and down.

"He became quite a Jekyll and Hyde character. Lovely when sober, but when under the influence? No.

"There was quite a bit of police involvement. He spent a few nights in the cells.

"He smashed some windows in his [council] flat. He got to the stage where he was really struggling and he just didn't want to live like that."

So-called 'street Valium' were among the drugs Max abusedSo-called 'street Valium' were among the drugs Max abused

As things spiralled out of control, Linda - now 43 - remembers receiving a text message from Max while she was at work indicating that he planned to end his life.

She said: "I just dropped everything and left. I found out that there was a certain bridge he was heading to, so I phoned the police.

"It turned out that he was going there on his bike, so the emergency services arrived before he did.

"He saw the flashing lights and he went on the run.

"The police eventually got hold of him and took him to hospital, but then he was let go and it was a case of 'we'll get somebody to call you tomorrow'.

"There were other occasions where he'd been presenting as suicidal and was told just to 'go home, have a hot bath, have a cup of tea'.

"When you're feeling suicidal, I think you need more than that.

"He couldn't just pull himself out of it.

"He felt fobbed off, and obviously there's the feeling of stigma because he's been on and off using drugs."

Linda said her son was sent home from hospital despite suicidal ideationLinda said her son was sent home from hospital despite suicidal ideation

Now 25, and with a young daughter, Max has begun to turn his life around following the death of a friend to drugs three years ago.

It began when he reached out to the addictions charity, We Are With You, who subsequently put him in touch with local recovery groups in the Borders.

Last year, Linda contacted the charity too after being told they can support family members struggling to cope with a loved one who has drug and alcohol problems.

She said: "I was at the stage where I really don't know what to do - he's my son, I love him, I want him to be okay, but I couldn't live like that.

"I've got younger kids as well but I was so wrapped up in trying to make sure he was okay.

"With You helped me to put strategies in place to look after myself, but they also helped me to understand it. 

"It's not quite as simple as just 'not doing it'. That's like telling someone with anxiety to 'stop worrying', or someone with depression to 'be happy'."

Following a relapse in early July, Linda said Max has been "beating himself up" but is determined to stay well for his daughter. 

She said: "He's not going to be cured. He needs to keep going to all the groups because it's always going to be a struggle for him.

"It's a frustration because he's such a good Dad, so hands-on, he absolutely adores her and she adores him."

*Names have been changed