Elaine C Smith on Glasgow panto - and showbiz misogyny

So, what is it?

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At 65, the comedy legend is already past the age when many people are past their bus pass point and are planning day trips to Scots towns with neat and tidy tea rooms.

Instead, Smith is set to go out there on stage until January, twice a day, in front of screaming weans, sleepy pensioners in from the cold and dads who are there only to hear the risqué jokes.

So, why are you smiling, Elaine?

She takes a breath and offers up a thought. “I respect myself so much more nowadays,” she offers. “I’ve always wanted respect, but I feel that what you have to do first is to respect yourself. And I can do that now.”

Why did it take her so long to feel confident? “Because I am a woman,” she says with a wry smile. “And I’m Scottish, and I don’t think respect really came my way when I first started out. You see, I’ve had to earn the position I’m in now, through the school of hard knocks. And you learn more from your failures than your victories, it’s true.”

Which failures has she endured? “Well, how about my first one-woman show on the telly? People didn’t understand what I was trying to do. Maybe I didn’t understand what I was trying to do. But it was tough. And it was really tough to break into television drama because I was seen as a comedy actress. That was it.

“But with all this experience, and from doing plays, I realised that the people responsible are not always doing it right. You see, after 40 years, I know a lot more than the people who are directing me.” She offers a smile that’s as stiff as hospital bed sheets. “I’m not being arrogant here, but I know how to do stuff. I know how to be funny.”

There is no doubt that Smith knows her way around a script. Indeed, back in her Wildcat Theatre days it was she who read a play that had been languishing in a bottom drawer for two years, and helped turn it into a national – and international – success story. It was The Steamie.

Elaine C Smith in her latest panto (Image: free)

Smith came up with the idea of adding songs to the show, and with the musical content came massive success. (Smith went on to play Dolly in the original production.) And when the actor took on the role of Susan Boyle on stage, she played a key role in script creation. “That’s not to say I don’t love learning from other people,” she says.

“Working in this panto, I love watching Johnny [Mac] and Darren [Brownlie] and I know they are really good, and sometimes I will say to them, ‘No, you do this gag – you are better at it than me.’ I know what’s best for the panto. I contribute a lot to the panto. I know what works for me and for other people.”

Smith gives an example of what she was able to bring to this year’s Snow White development. “The interesting part was – how do you fit me into Snow White?” she says. “Well, I came up with the idea that I would be her nurse. I’m the nurse who has brought her up really. And I’ve got a son, so he and Snow White are like brother and sister.

“That means you have the really strong emotional attachment with Snow White. And so, when we have to take her out to the woods to kill her off, we can’t, because we love her. And we leave her with the dwarfs.”

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The actor sings the praises of director Catherine Harrison. Harrison has backed Smith in her move to change the ending of Snow White (spoiler alert). “What we do with the storyline is, that we see Snow White fall in love the Prince, but this time around it’s not the Prince who causes her to wake up from the coma. Instead, we have this wonderful moment where we see all the townspeople greetin’, and we know it has to be ‘a true love’s kiss’ that wakes her up’ But it’s only when Bella goes over to her and kisses her that Snow White wakes up.”

Smith plays nurse Bella Houston, and the story is set in a town called Glaswegia. “Gerard Kelly used to say to me, ‘Make it of its place’ He always argued that we should remember we’re celebrating local culture. It’s all about making it relevant.”

Her tone becomes serious for a second. “It’s the little parts of the story that matter so much to me,” she says. “It’s showing the human connection which is so important. And I’ve got to tell you that I’ve seen panto scripts where I’ve looked at them and said, ‘If that’s the best you’ve got, I’m going to work in Tesco’.”

Smith’s (mostly) pleased countenance is partly a result of having control, being able to offer input to create a better show, with stronger parts for women. (“I was Cinderella once. But the reality was I hated every minute of it.”) But she says it’s also a result of the delight that emerges from more women coming to be in charge of the production process, such as Harrison.

“She knows that panto is about magic. And it’s great to be a woman leading from the front. Things have certainly improved for women in the business. But it’s been a slow process.”

Smith quotes the positive experience of working on BBC sitcom, Two Doors Down, working alongside a cast including Sharon Rooney, Doon Mackichan, Arabella Weir, Joy McAvoy, Siobhan Redmond, “all being very funny”. But there’s a “however” attached to the reference.

With Gregor Fisher in Rab C Nesbitt (Image: BBC)

“Doon in fact has written a book, My Lady Parts, in which she spoke of how she’d assumed that Smack the Pony [the late-1990s Channel Four comedy] had opened the doors for women. But the truth is no other all-female sketch show has ever emerged. You can have lots of men doing sketch shows, but it seems that since French and Saunders, the BBC’s attitude has been, ‘No, thanks, we’ve got our [quota of] women.

“What I don’t want is producers in Scotland saying, ‘We’ve got Elaine. We’ve got Two Doors Down. What more do we need to do?’”

Smith believes that Scotland has a “fantastic amount” of talented comedy actors. “We’ve got Louise McCarthy, Sally Reid, Lesley Hart, Michelle Gallagher ... but they just don’t get the opportunities their talent suggests.”

Two Doors Down has been written by two men. But that doesn’t matter. “Simon Carlyle and Gregor Sharp showed that they like women, which is why they could write for them.” She pauses for a moment and grimaces. “I’ve done a lot of stuff written by men who don’t like women. No names mentioned.”

What of Two Doors Down? Simon Carlyle was just 48 when he passed away in August. Ayr-born Carlyle was one of the most talented writers that Scotland has ever produced, having been responsible in the past for the likes of cult hit Terri McIntyre, Classy Bitch and working with Jack Whitehall on Bad Education.

Can the show carry on without him? “It’s in the lap of Gregor Sharp,” says Smith of Carlyle’s co-writer. “The pair had been writing together for 25 years and their relationship was like a marriage. I don’t honestly know what will happen. Will Gregor continue to write on his own, or could he team up with someone else?”

Alex Norton, Elaine C Smith and Arabella Weir in Two Doors Down (Image: free)

Smith has no idea whether plans to take Two Doors Down into the SEC Hydro in the New Year will be dropped. She thinks for a moment and sadness sears into her voice. “Maybe, maybe now I can see the live show as a possibility. It could be an homage to Simon, a way for us all to come together. After 10 years together on the show we’ve all been so close. I was in London recently meeting up with some of them. I was at Doon’s book launch. I met up with Johnny [Watson] recently. I’ve seen Kieran [Hodgson] because he lives in Glasgow now. But that said, it’s too soon to really think about it. And it’s not up to me. But overall, I just feel very, very fortunate and lucky that I’ve been part of it all.”

She reveals another reason why her happiness quotient has increased. In the New Year, Smith will be fronting her own stand-up show as part of the Glasgow Comedy Festival. “My daughter, Hannah is working for the Comedy Festival, and she was a great encourager for me to do it. And I thought, ‘At 65 there will be people thinking that women of an age shouldn’t be doing this. So, f*** it. I’m doing it.’ And it will be a sort of retrospective, using clips of my career, and the theme will be, ‘What have I learned?’”

Audiences will be reminded that Smith has been a trailblazer for working-class women. She auditioned at 16 to get a place at the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama, now the Royal Conservatoire, and went on to stake her place in the pantheon of great Scots female comedy performers such as Dorothy Paul and Una McLean. The show will feature clips from Smith’s TV career, the likes of Naked Video and City Lights – in which she played Irene McGinley and gave us the famous “pure dead brilliant” catchphrase – and Rab C. Nesbitt, as the ever-downtrodden Mary Doll.

What the show will also reveal is that the panto nurse’s career has been tougher than a 1950s ward matron. “People look at my career and think it’s been an easy journey, but I can tell you it hasn’t. And I want to show this too.”

All that leads to the central reason why Smith’s Nurse Bella has a glow around her that’s warmer than a clean bill of health notice to a worried patient. We return to speak of Simon Carlyle, who was not only a writer of the series she featured in but a close friend. And it reminds her of other monumental losses in her life, such as the brilliant actors Andy Gray and Gerard Kelly. Smith still hasn’t recovered from the loss of her mother, Stella, who passed away aged just 71.

With this constant reminder that the watch on her nurse’s outfit is ticking loudly, the actor is incredibly thankful, not only to be still enjoying life with husband Bob and their two daughters and grandchild, but to have the chance to share that joy.

Smith explains that in moving into Act Three of her own life, panto offers the perfect opportunity to throw some magic dust around, to help little – and big – hearts to swell for a couple of hours. “Yes, at my age there is an appreciation of the sheer joy in life and getting to Christmas time and still being here.” And working. “Oh, yes!” she exclaims. “Even though it’s two shows a day, being in panto replenishes your soul. And it feels like I’m giving something back to a world that needs to reassess where we were and to reconnect.”

Her smile at the prospect of getting back out there under the lights is as big as the King’s Theatre stage. But what you haven’t yet revealed, Elaine, is – what is the message of your stand-up show? What have your learned from all these showbiz years?

She breaks into a loud laugh. “Well, here I am at 65 and I’m dressed as a panto nurse, and that sort of puts life into perspective. So, what I’ve learned is – dance while you can.” The laugh barely subsides as she adds: “And I’ll tell you this; I’m not ready to hang up my dancing shoes just yet.”

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, The King’s Theatre Glasgow, also stars Johnny Mac, Darren Brownlie, Blythe Jandoo and Liz Ewing. Until January 7