Buzzing over black

GLASWEGIANS have a reputation for cheerful chumminess.

Even the local scallywags will flash you a convivial grin when they’re pursuing you down a darkened alleyway while brandishing a glinting razorblade.   

But for the warmest Glesga welcome, try a city centre café, which is what reader Harold Thomson did.

At the counter he asked the barista for a black coffee.

With a delighted smile, she trilled: “Amazing!”

Says Harold: “That’s the best reaction I’ve got for anything I’ve done in my life. I can only imagine the response if I’d requested coffee with milk and sugar.”

Cut above

THE battle of the sexes is more of a war of attrition, with no side likely to gain a decisive victory.

Though occasionally there’s a ceasefire, when exhausted warriors down pistols, rifles, flamethrowers, grenades and missile-launchers, and romance breaks out on the field of combat.

In a Waterstones café reader Deedee Cuddihy overheard two female uni students discussing this phenomenon.

Said one to the other: "So you're saying that the only thing wrong with this new guy you're going out with is his haircut? Well, all men have to have a flaw, and a bad haircut isn't the worst of them." 

Facing the music

WE’RE discussing the weekend’s Eurovision Song Contest, which wasn’t the spectacular success Blighty hoped for. (We came second from bottom.)

We did shine in some respects, for actress Catherine Tate was the spokesperson presenting the UK’s vote.

Says reader Jack Benson: “When Britain failed in the competition, Catherine should have defiantly returned to the stage to deliver a variation on her famous catchphrase… ‘Britain’s not bovvered.’”

Height of ambition

THE teenage son of reader Tom Clarke said he wished he’d attended Eton. “Because of the quality of the education?” inquired dad.

“No,” admitted the youngster, “I’ve always wanted to be taller. And they wear top hats at Eton.”

Volume control

USEFUL advice from reader Gordon Moore: “Never yell into a colander. You’ll strain your voice.”

Bean counter

BREXIT. Can we stop debating it? Apparently not. Reader Don Mulrain heard two inebriated chaps discussing the topic in a pub.

One favoured the EU split. The other? Not so much.

“The price o’ beans has shot up,” raged one fellow, “and that’s the fault o’ Brexit.”

The other fellow merely shrugged, then said: “See, that’s the difference in oor politics. You like beans an’ I dinnae.”

Face facts

“I HEARD the most prolific Facebook user died,” says reader Derek Bruce. “We’ll never see his likes again.”