Comical clippie
THE Diary was sad to hear of the death of Paul O’Grady, the comedian, actor and TV presenter, who always enjoyed performing in Scotland, and had only recently starred in the musical Annie at Edinburgh Playhouse.
Paul appeared as himself in later years, though he was first known to audiences as Lily Savage, his feisty and fabulous drag act persona.
Lily was based on O’Grady’s Auntie Chris, a clippie on the buses.
When Paul was little, she told him: “Some fella shoved something down my bra today and said have a drink on me.”
“What was it?” asked Paul.
“A teabag,” said Auntie Chris.
Armless joke?
AN educational conversation between a wise elder of the tribe and an inquisitive youth.
Reader Jennifer McKean was having lunch in a restaurant with her husband and grandson.
The grandson, who ordered chicken wings, asked what happened to the rest of the chicken once it lost its wings.
Jennifer’s husband, who has a dark sense of humour, replied: “The chicken goes on to live a long and fulfilling life, though any ambitions she has to work as a professional juggler or darts player are pretty much kaput.”
📖 Sign up to the Herald Diary newsletter and get the sublime and the ridiculous sent directly to your inbox every day.
Mugging her off
IN a coffee shop, reader James Miller overheard a less than chivalrous teenager in school uniform talking to a pal. He was recalling a conversation he had recently had with his girlfriend.
Said this lad: “She thought I was calling her a mutt the whole time.
“I said: ‘No, no, no. A mug. Like you drink coffee out of.’
“So she said: ‘Oh. Well, that’s all right then.’”
Read more: Why the Tartan Army was on the boos
Picky plant
THE mother of reader Chris Robertson is antagonised by flies continuously getting into her kitchen.
Chris decided to solve the problem creatively by buying mum a Venus flytrap plant.
A week later he enquired if Venus had vanquished the buzzing pests.
“It hasn’t eaten a single fly,” sighed mum. “Just my luck to get the world’s only vegan Venus flytrap.”
Bartender rules, okay?
VISITING a Shawlands boozer, reader Ken Bennet spotted a sign next to the bar that filled him with awe and reverence.
It read:
Rule 1: The bartender is always right.
Rule 2: If bartender is wrong… see Rule 1.
Footering about
OUTRAGED reader Darren Price says: “The moment shoes were invented there was no further need to wear matching socks. Yet we continue with this pointless charade… why?!”
One stop shop
“ALL shops are actually stationary shops,” points out reader Maggie Archer. “But only some of them sell pens.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here