DURING the recent short-lived heatwave, the only thing that rose faster than the temperatures was the hyperbole being spouted by experts and politicians about the weather.
Leading the charge was Scotland’s justice secretary who cruised around TV and radio stations in his air-conditioned ministerial limo issuing dire warnings to Scots.
Quite what the justice secretary was doing spouting forth about the weather is anyone’s guess, maybe the sun will face a fine for being too hot.
In winter, Jack Frost faces being sent to Barlinnie for nipping at your nose.
But Mr Brown is also resilience secretary, which in a country like Scotland should be the easiest job in the world given we are famously resilient, particularly in our ‘changeable’ weather.
As temperatures soared to record levels, the Scottish government, he said, was ‘concerned’ and urged Scots to stay indoors between the hours of 11am and 3pm.
Scots who had to travel, he advised, should wear a hat, sunglasses and keep hydrated.
Quite what would happen to them if they didn’t was not specified but they would probably melt into the A9 or the west coast mainline.
Next up he will almost certainly advise Scots not to eat yellow snow in winter or not to cross the road without holding Tufty’s hand.
Yes, the temperature was hot but despite our geographical location, the vast majority of Scots are pretty used to temperatures above 30C.
It is the reason that many of us go on foreign holidays after all.
The beaches of Spain, Greece and Turkey are not littered with the bodies of Scots every summer who perished in the heat because it was totally alien and they didn’t know what to do.
Most are sensible and do exactly what Mr Brown was advising and they do so because it is common sense and government ministers don’t need to lecture us to use it.
Of course there is a serious side to extreme heatwaves that have hit the UK and Europe in recent weeks.
I have recently returned from the south of France where it was so hot, I was able to manufacture steel on the terrace between breakfast and lunch.
Even the cockroaches couldn’t move.
It was a good 10C hotter than at home and extremely uncomfortable with the omnipresent smell of wildfires the only thing that seemed to be moving.
But did the French government feel the need to issue patronising advice - of course they didn’t.
Locals just shut cafes and restaurants in the heat of the day due to no customers as everyone was inside their air-conditioned homes until early evening.
It was, as heatwaves go, fairly spectacular and is set to become a regular occurrence in the coming years as the planet continues to heat up.
But while climate change is a very real and present danger, the dire warnings are now hitting ludicrous levels.
For a country that constantly lives with extremes of heat, storms and rain and has done for centuries, why is it only now that the authorities believe we can’t cope?
Every gentle breeze that blows in from the Atlantic is given a name and folk are advised to hide under a table.
Severe weather warnings are now issued more frequently than a revised Scotrail timetable with public transport grounded before the storm even hits - just in case.
Even hot weather means that trains are being cancelled, as well as in predicted storms, rain and snow.
For centuries we have coped and even thrived in our country which is situated in the north-west Atlantic and is therefore at the sharp end of some pretty ropey weather fronts.
A good drying day of yesteryear is now viewed as potentially fatal and we are advised to scuttle indoors out of harm’s way.
And while the searing heat, which saw temperatures peak above 40C for the first time in the UK, is still a very rare occurrence, scientists claim it would be “almost impossible” without global warming.
Sadly the heat caused widespread disruption to transport networks and hundreds of fires, including devastating blazes that destroyed homes, pushed London to the brink of blackouts and is expected to have caused hundreds of deaths.
But is the answer really telling everyone to stay indoors until it cools down a bit? Of course it isn’t.
We are a resilient race and have coped with just about anything the weather has thrown at us for centuries and will do so again - we really don’t need any ministerial advice.
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