IT’S often said that an Englishman’s house is his castle. Which seems to imply that other parts of the UK are not so fortunate and that in proud Scotia we’re all huddled beneath skimpy canvas tents, eating baked beans cooked from a bonfire made of twigs, leaves and unread copies of Alex Salmond’s Referendum White Paper.

Not true!

We Scots are a sophisticated lot. One or two of us even have roofs over our heads. A few of those roofs are very impressive indeed, for our nation boasts some of the most splendiferous stately homes in Europe, and many of them are triumphantly individualistic, containing eccentric details that make them really stand out.

Here’s our pick of Scotland’s finest stately homes open to the public, all packed with quirk, quality and curiosities aplenty.

And don’t be trepidatious. There’s not a baked bean in sight…

Callendar House, Falkirk

MORE celebrities have hung out in this swanky pad than made it to Brooklyn Beckham’s big-day bash in Palm Beach, Florida.

Over the years, Callendar has played host to such dazzling dignitaries as Mary, Queen of Scots, Oliver Cromwell and Bonnie Prince Charlie.

The House is relatively tranquil now, but it’s been at the epicentre of wars, rebellions and the industrial revolution.

The restored kitchen, which dates from 1825, includes costumed interpreters, who create an immersive interactive experience with samples of early-19th century food providing added savour to stories of working life in a large household.

www.visitfalkirk.com/things-to-do/family-days-out/callendar-house-and-park/

Traquair House, near Peebles

DATING back to 1107, Traquair House is Scotland’s oldest inhabited house, having been lived in by the Stuart family since 1491.

It boasts a magnificently confusing maze plus its own brewery. Though don’t attempt the maze directly after sampling the delights of the brewery, which is bound to result in you being lost until the end of time, or the Tories win a majority in the Scottish parliament. (Which ever comes first.)

www.traquair.co.uk

Duff House, Aberdeenshire

DESIGNED in 1735 for William Duff, it has since been used as a family house, hotel, sanatorium and prisoner-of-war camp. Though not all at the same time. That would be weird. Re-opened in 1995 as a five-star country house and art gallery, the extensive grounds include the gothic mausoleum of the Duff family. (Spooky!)

www.nationalgalleries.org/visit/duff-house/

Ardkinglas Woodland Gardens, Cairndow

THE grounds of Ardkinglas is where you’ll discover the ‘mightiest conifer in Europe’. (We’ve no idea where the second mightiest conifer in Europe resides. Though we bet it’s not boasting about its whereabouts, the diminutive loser.)

The Woodland Garden, open all year round, is a spectacular setting, with a background of mountains and forests, and not a tower block in sight. There’s also a Gruffalo trail to enjoy, based on Julia Donaldson’s book. We’re not sure if the trail includes a genuine Gruffalo. Though would you want to meet a genuine Gruffalo? We hear they’re grumpy critters, who are only fond of kiddies who arrive with a side portion of chips.

Ardkinglas House, itself, remains a family home, so isn’t regularly open to the public. Though private tours can be booked, and public tours are available from April until September.

www.ardkinglas.com

Mount Stuart House, Isle of Bute

COMPLETED in 1719, the house was rebuilt after an 1877 fire, though most of the contents survived. It’s an intriguing blend of Victorian and Georgian design, but what makes it special is the interiors, which will give you pause for thought, before concluding that you’ve accidentally stumbled into a trippy, hippy psychedelic album, circa 1967.

The inspiration for the décor is astrology, art and mythology, and there’s even a map of the stars on the ceiling of the Marble Hall.

At the top of the spiral staircase you’ll discover what is believed to be the world’s first domestic heated swimming pool.

Other innovations include an early telephone system and a Victorian passenger lift. And look out for the foraging squirrels carved into the dining room panelling.

www.mountstuart.com/house

Haddo House, near Tarves, Aberdeenshire

EVER had a hankering to ogle Madonna at close quarters? Now you’ve got the perfect opportunity as she’s currently residing in a fancy gaff up Aberdeenshire way.

Though we aren’t talking about the saucy sexagenarian songstress from the States. This Madonna is the ravishing painting hanging in Haddo House, which is believed to be by Raphael. (Not the Teenage Mutant Turtle. The Renaissance fella who was rubbish at fighting crime and supervillains, though rather handy with a brush and canvas.)

The rest of Haddo House’s art collection is equally impressive, and includes 85 paintings of Aberdeenshire castles by acclaimed Victorian artist James Giles.

www.nts.org.uk/visit/places/haddo-house

House of Dun, Montrose

BAROQUE architecture could also be described as the ‘go for broke’ style. It’s as ostentatiously theatrical as a two-cheek kiss of greeting from a chummy luvvie in Glasgow’s Oran Mor bar.

The House of Dun is most definitely in the baroque style, and this Georgian gem of a stately home is packed with decorative details to delight in, including spectacular plasterwork in the saloon and hidden Jacobite symbolism.

The experience is also interactive, with costumed guides leading the visitor through the house’s rich history.

In the formal gardens you may even spot a red squirrel or two, as they put up a spirited defence of their realm against the gnarly, neddish, grey usurpers who have raised the flag of victory in so many other parts of Scotland.

www.nts.org.uk/visit/places/house-of-dun

Abbotsford, Borders

IT could be argued that before Walter Scott arrived on the scene, Scotland was just a bunch of peely-wally people gathered together in search of a bottle of Buckfast Tonic Wine.

It was Big Walt, or Sir Walter as he later became, who gave our country a sense of tradition, pride and purpose, courtesy of a bunch of lies he told in book form, otherwise known as the Waverley Novels.

Big Walt was the mythmaker-in-chief for our great nation, and contrary to what you may have heard, he didn’t reside in a secret apartment beneath Edinburgh’s Scott Monument. (Okay, nobody believes that. We’re just attempting a little mythmaking of our own.) Scott’s country residence of Abbotsford is a palace with pizazz; a pile of bricks with added bling.

‘Rambling’, ‘whimsical’ and ‘picturesque’ are phrases the writer used to describe this home that he enlarged and lavished with love.

With suits of armour in the hallway and a lush landscape outside, the Abbotsford experience is like stumbling into Scott’s novel, Rob Roy, though without the downside of being run through by Rob’s flashing blade.

www.scottsabbotsford.com

Bowhill House, Selkirk

THERE’S a genuine conundrum awaiting you at Bowhill. Should you gaze through one of the windows of the house at the ravishing grounds, or keep your eyes glued on the many fine paintings hanging within the house, including works by Gainsborough, Reynolds and Canaletto.

Or perhaps forget all that beauty and culture, and go have some fun in the adventure playground, instead.

www.bowhillhouse.co.uk

Manderston House, Duns

AN elegant example of Edwardian ostentatiousness, Manderston has been the backdrop for numerous movies, including The House of Mirth.

The entrance hall has marble floors and there’s a false panel in the library bookcase, cunningly hiding a door to the hall. (Very sneaky.)

www.manderston.com