The Duke’s Umbrella
Glasgow
RENT a flat above a shop, cut your hair and get a job – Jarvis Cocker is thudding through the sound system here and now. And I slide back on an expensively upholstered, tastefully studded leather banquette, casting an eye around lush decor, gilded wallpapers, stuffed armchairs, that wall of pictures in different sized frames in the comfy bit. Which incidentally they’re not opening up this very quiet Tuesday night.
So far, so every other theme pub to my cynical eye. There are a couple of guys sitting drinking at the bench by the window, another one with an anorak sipping a pint at a table near the door.
These, I think are definitely real, and still Pulp go on and on about touching base with the common people. Definitely real, too, are the fabulous brick vaulted ceilings, those slender pillars perhaps in cast iron.
The Duke’s Umbrella, then. No expense spared on the decor, a newish self-proclaimed gastro-pub, almost, but not quite, in the heart of the city.
Almost, I’ll conclude, but not quite a proper gastro pub.
I’ll eat a spiced venison pie with the sort of thick then thin, crisp then bubbly and pleasantly doughy textures that suggests the pastry was made in here, the meat peppery, the vegetables with that sweetness that comes from a long, low simmer and a marrow bone in the middle like a old school pie vent.
Of course, that pastry does not extend down the sides or across the bottom, the mash is that still sadly fashionable gloopy gluey texture (and under seasoned) and someone has gone a bit ooh-ah heavy handed with the salt on the otherwise good braised greens. Priced at a reasonable £14 though.
It is £9.50 for the starter slow-cooked ox cheek and confit onion atop a half-bone, waxy white marrow in it, faint smokey flavour lingering, properly toasted sourdough, disappointingly McDonald's-esque hash browns, yet the ox cheek so loaded with deep, wintery flavours, that I wonder why they bother with the showy-offy marrow thang.
And on the starters, those £7.50 pea, feat and thyme fritters must be made by hand in that very kitchen behind the long bar because they’re all different inside. Sometimes big chunks of salty cheese, sometimes fresh little popping peas, if I close my eyes I can get a definite whiff of thyme too.
Yes, they’re dangerously dark from the frier, but plonked into the black garlic ketchup it’s another dish that’s pleasant enough.
I’ll pick my way through a generous side of roasted Jerusalem artichoke in a truffle dressing that needs something, a hint of vinegar maybe, just to cut the oiliness and wonder where are those skinny fries I ordered.
Oh, there will be a moment when the waitress surprises me by suddenly coming round the side of the banquette to ask the how-is-everything question. And catches me prodding a slice of sourdough. Like an, er, total weirdo.
To break the awkward silence, I’ll have to do something I always avoid. Complain: Was this bread sliced earlier and left out, I’ll ask, because one side is dry and the other moist?
Sourdough – fresh today – Freedom Bakery, she’ll repeat whilst backing off. Replacement bread will arrive from the kitchen, this time toasted, and even though I have finished my warmed garlic butter crab I’ll have to eat it.
As for that crab? Strangely, this is the dish that brought me in here tonight, a man I know called Darren having raved about it, not once but twice.
Hmm, yet another boldly priced starter? I see a wide white dish, with a pile of salt, steadying a scallop shell, containing a pile of crab, drenched in butter. It seems simple; take tub of unspecified crab meat, tip in plate, add warm butter, hope all the crab gets heated (not all of mine does), charge £11.50. Bingo.
It’s not winning me over at that price, even with the salty scenery.
The Umbrella? Only time will tell.
The Duke’s Umbrella
363 Argyle Street
Glasgow
0141 732 7073
Menu: Ambitious take on pub classics; smoked bone marrow deluxe, warmed garlic butter crab, pea feta and thyme fritters, venison pie, fish and chips. 4/5
Service: Pleasant waiting staff, who do their jobs efficiently. No complaints from me. 3/5
Atmosphere: A slow Tuesday night and I couldn’t see anyone else eating. Apparently it’s bouncing at weekends when they have live music and Sunday roasts. 3/5
Price: Main courses start at just £11.50 for a whole smoked cauliflower, and hover around mid teens, starters are where the surprisingly pricey action is; even the soup is £7 2/5
Food: They crack out a decent spiced venison pie and the slow cooked ox cheek starter was full of flavour, after that just a little bit too ordinary for a gastro pub. 6/10
18/30
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