SUCH are the vast talents of Graeme Hall, human star of Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly (Channel 5, Tuesday), one wonders if he could be better deployed elsewhere in the kingdom.
Think of the improvements in behaviour at Holyrood and Westminster if only Graeme was let off the leash. He would have “Nippy” Sturgeon’s ankle-biting dealt with in no time. Boris’s unfortunate stains on the carpet? Things of the past.
This, the fourth series, set out to show once again that the problems with badly behaved dogs can usually be traced back to people. Newfoundlands Simon and Panda were picking up on the anxiety of Dawn and Gordon, becoming so aggressive that the couple’s grandchildren were afraid to visit; Harris the cocker spaniel refused to come out of the water when called; and Luna the Jackapoo (Jack Russell + poodle = jeez-o) herded teenager Matty into his room at every opportunity.
Hall is as effective with humans as he is with dogs. While the tone of the programme is generally light and larky, he appreciates the sheer misery, and danger, a badly behaved dog brings with it. In each case, our Graeme’s clear communication skills and practical strategies (treats, praise, firmness) soothed the muddled beasts. The dogs turned out nice again too.
A drama led by Maxine Peake or Sheridan Smith would be a must see at any time. This week the schedules had offerings from both in Anne (STV, Sunday-Wednesday) and Four Lives (BBC1, Monday-Wednesday).
Both were dramas, based on true events, about mothers fighting for justice for their sons. Anne Williams’ lad Kevin had gone to a football match at Hillsborough one day in 1989 and never came home; while Sarah Sak’s son Anthony crossed paths with a serial killer.
Both works were powerful and moving. That’s critic speak for “they made you weep and shout at the telly at the sheer bloody injustice of it all”.
Focussing on the mothers was a way of keeping the long and sometimes complex stories manageable and relatable. Peake and Smith? Brilliant. Writers Kevin Sampson (Anne), Neil McKay and Jeff Pope (also The Moorside, Little Boy Blue) take a bow. The greatest compliment one could make is that both dramas did their subjects proud.
The Tourist (BBC1, Saturday-Sunday) wisely kept out of Peake and Sheridan’s way, preferring to roll out leisurely over the coming weeks (or bingeable on iPlayer if you prefer). Jamie Dornan played the sweaty traveller who woke up in hospital in the Australian Outback without a clue as to what had happened to him. It had something to do with the truck that had been chasing him Duel-style, but how? And who was the guy buried alive below ground (Buried, Kill Bill)?
It was derivative in parts, but nicely intriguing and slyly funny. Dornan, who starred in the Fifty Shades film series and therefore knows a thing or two about climbing from a wreckage, has star quality to burn. Was it enough to make you follow the story to its end, though?
Here we go again with the high heels and the cheap suits and the wheeled suitcases full of dreams. The Apprentice (BBC1, Thursday) is back for a 16th – count ‘em – series. This one has a USP in that Lord Sugar’s wartime consigliere Claude is missing (nasty accident on a bicycle; he’s recovering), and has been replaced by Tim Campbell, the very nice chap who was the first Apprentice way back in 2005.
The show has been on furlough for two years, a casualty of the pandemic, but apart from Claude nothing has changed. The contestants are mostly the same collection of young dopes and egotists, most of whom would be hard pushed to keep a paper round, with some sensible sorts sprinkled among them.
The first task was to come up with a brand name for a new cruise holiday and shoot an advert. In this case the lucky recipient of free advertising on your licence fee dime was Virgin Voyages, owned by that struggling up and comer Sir Richard Branson.
The “girls” called their offering Bouji Cruises, despite warnings that no-one knew what bouji meant (“sassy” according to the project manager who insisted on it). The “boys” went with a green and brown logo, half man/half wave logo that was likened to a turd and a rotting banana.
Like looking at a school photo of primary one pupils, you can tell immediately who is going to cut it, who is going to be the class clown, the bossy one, the trier, and so on. I note there is a pool in this year’s house. Could it be that The Apprentice is trying to get in on the bikini and trunks action of I’m A Celebrity in its Australian heyday? That would be tacky and have naff all to do with business, though. In short, the pool action will fit right in. Let posing commence.
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