Cap’ that
SMOOTH talking radio broadcaster Ken Bruce and his producer Phil McGarvey have come up with the perfect title for the next album from Scottish pop sensation Lewis Capaldi. They suggest Giving It Laldy by Lewis Capaldi. (With a possible commercial tie-in with Aldi…)
No joke
AS we recently pointed out, those who educate young minds face many travails, right up to the closing day of their working life. After a long teaching career, Al Reid felt he had performed the same song and dance act in front of thousands of pupils, so decided to retire. Word got round and a senior pupil interrupted one of his final lessons by politely enquiring what his future plans were. Al jokingly replied that he was thinking of going on the stand-up circuit.
“Well,” the pupil said thoughtfully, “you’ll need some new material, then.”
Table talk
OUR contributors continue to recall waiting staff they have encountered whose finesse was fatally flawed.
Mary Duncan was once with some colleagues at a table when the waitress, clearing up, asked her to pass “that bowl, please”.
Mary tried to help, though with her hand hovering over the table, she was forced to say: "Er, there isn't a bowl on the table."
Patiently the waitress explained: "The sauce boa'le, the sauce boa'le."
Small portions
THE Diary’s culinary correspondent David Donaldson notes that insect-derived protein has been given the go-ahead for human consumption. “How long will it be before we start seeing packets of Mincey Wincy on our supermarket shelves?” he wonders.
Doc knows best
ANOTHER memorable comment from the late Tommy Docherty, a football manager whose quips often had more quality than the players he fielded. John Ploughman recalls Tommy saying of his year as manager of Rotherham United: "I promised I would take Rotherham out of the Second Division, and I took them into the Third. The old chairman said: 'Doc, you’re a man of your word.’”
Mistaken identity
LIKE A Margot Fonteyn pirouette or Jascha Heifetz on the violin, the Diary is a dazzling work of art and effort, almost flawless in execution. Though the occasional mistake does creep in, notes eagle-eyed reader Richard Ardern, who spotted that when we recently mentioned the Welsh town of Llanfair¬pwllgwyngyll¬gogerychwyrn-drobwll¬llan¬tysilio¬gogo¬goch we erroneously spelled it Llanfair¬pwllgwyngyll¬gogerchwyrn¬drobwll¬llan¬tysilio¬gogo-goch.
A foolish oversight. We really don’t know how it slipped past us.
Time out
PERPLEXED reader Nigel Stewart phones to tell us he has lost his DVD of the movie Gone in 60 Seconds. “It was here just a minute ago,” he sighs.
Our columns are a platform for writers to express their opinions. They do not necessarily represent the views of The Herald.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel