Traffic tiff THE wife of comedian Andy Cameron was driving him into town for a medical appointment. Hitting the M77, she found herself behind a large lorry. Andy was just about to advise her to overtake it when she began blasting on the horn and flashing her headlights. With the mildness of a lion who has had his toe stepped on, the startled comedian enquired just what the heck his other half thought she was doing. His wife replied: “That lorry’s shedding its load.” The frosty morning turned colder still when Andy pointed out that the lorry in front was a gritter. Posh prayers AS a pupil at Cardonald Primary in the 1950s, reader Alan Ferguson was confronted by a fierce new teacher who previously worked in Glasgow’s east end. (An exotic terrain, about which Alan and his chums had only heard the wildest of rumours.) The new teacher immediately made it known that he wasn’t impressed with the diction of his charges as they recited the Lord’s Prayer of a morning. "Youse are supposed to be from a posh area of town,” he rumbled. “But you sound pretty much like the Parkhead boys.” At this juncture he scribbled on the blackboard what the Parkhead youth were apt to recite: "Our father Wishart in Heaven, Harold be thy name…" Our reader was left wondering how the Parkhead posse had obtained a Glasgow version of the Bible. Lanky lad ANOTHER memorable phrase used to describe skinny fellows. The mother of Bert Peattie from Kirkcaldy would always say of a slimmer chap: "He's as broad between the shoothers as a kipper between the een." Engaging offer THE Freecycle website allows people to give their goods away, without charge, to those who want them. Gilbert MacKay from Newton Mearns wonders if there is a poignant backstory explaining the site’s latest offering: Engagement gifts… 2 mugs. High flyers MORE memories of the late, great golf commentator Peter Alliss. Alan Walker from Carradale recalls watching the Ryder Cup singles on TV. At one point, golfing chums Rory McIlroy and Rickie Fowler were spotted chatting to each other. “They’re probably choosing the colours of their next jets,” quipped Alliss. Occupational hazards AN East Dunbartonshire resident continues to be concerned about the current employment situation. “Is a gardener always compost mentis?” he enquires. “And does a baker only work because he kneads the dough?” Snow funny A SILLY joke for chilly times. “What do you call a snowman’s temper tantrum?” asks reader Glenn Clarke. “A meltdown.”