IT is difficult not to feel dread right now. I'm gripped with a sense of gloom that is impossible to shake. The clocks going back means that it will be dark much earlier tonight, with sunset a smidge before 5pm. Shortly afterwards, when the cloak of blackness descends outside, it might as well be midnight.
I always struggle with the shrinking daylight hours in October. By November, that mood seems to pass as body and mind recalibrate, finding a new rhythm that allows me to embrace the longer nights. But right now, it feels like being hit by a juggernaut.
The prospect of winter seems almost suffocating after the bright summer months and vibrant, kaleidoscopic colours of autumn. Usually around this time of year I begin to rely on a series of rituals to help bolster my depleted energy levels.
I mentally prepare to hunker down: lighting candles, getting cosy with blankets and thick socks, curling up with a good book, watching old movies, filling a favourite mug to the brim with hot chocolate and tiny marshmallows.
It is about being kind to myself. The thing is, though, that is a mantra I've been following for months now. It has become well-worn. Which means that, when I need it most, it feels a bit impotent.
READ MORE: Susan Swarbrick's Week: How 'tablescaping' became the latest pandemic fad
In an already tough and emotionally taxing year, all of those gloomy feelings are amplified, no matter how stoic I try to be. When Jason Leitch, the Scottish Government's national clinical director, said in recent days that the nation should prepare for a "digital Christmas" it was hardly a surprise.
Like most people, I've known in my heart that we will be in this limbo – purgatory some might say – for a while yet. But, through spring and summer, even early autumn, there was a tangible glimmer of hope.
It felt like we could see the summit of the mountain through the swirling mist and clouds. Now it feels as if we're tobogganing off-piste in the wrong direction, hurtling towards a sheer precipice with an avalanche nipping at our heels.
I'm doing everything I know I have to. I'm eating as healthily as I can muster. I'm walking the dog. I'm taking my vitamin D. I'm watching YouTube clips of unlikely animal friendships. I keep telling myself this is merely a blip. But that doesn't make it any less exhausting.
READ MORE: Susan Swarbrick's Week: Midlife isn't a crisis – it’s a celebration
The other day I got up to answer the door and stubbed my toe. Then, walking back through the house, I tripped over a rug and went down like a felled tree, landing with such a thump that my glasses were jettisoned across the floor.
Nursing a bruised toe, louping ankle and two sore knees, I could quite readily have sat there and wept in self-pity. But I dusted myself off and I got back up. It occurred to me that perhaps the universe was sending a much-needed message. Hang on in there. This too shall pass.
Our columns are a platform for writers to express their opinions. They do not necessarily represent the views of The Herald
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel