Police record
A READER recently revealed she often mishears famous song lyrics. This embarrassing revelation encourages Diana McCabe to admit she does the same thing. For years she didn’t realise The Police song Every Breath You Take contained the moving words, “How my poor heart aches.”
When she heard the record played on a pub jukebox she always accompanied singer Sting with the rather less romantic phrase, “I’m a pool hall ace.”
“No wonder my friends gave me funny looks,” says Diana. “They knew I was rubbish at pool.”
Escalating problem
WELL-TRAVELLED reader Margaret Thomson informs us that signs on the London Underground state that dogs must be carried on the escalators.
“I couldn’t find a dog,” admits Margaret, “But I went on anyway.”
Wall… fall… wallop
A RECENT Diary anecdote about a querulous Scottish granny growling at a wean reminds Bob Byiers of the Billy Connolly yarn about a youngster scrambling along the top of a high wall while his mother shouted from far below: "If you fa' aff that wa' and break yer leg, dinnae come runnin' tae me!"
Seeing red
ANOTHER of our unlikely stories. (At least we hope this one isn’t true.) Reader Colin Murphy says he tried to donate blood. “But it was a bit of a faff with too many questions,” complains Colin, who adds: “You know: Whose blood is this? Where did you get it? Was that bucket even sanitised before you filled it with blood?”
The dating game
ALTHOUGH reader David Herriot’s dad is getting on in years he still manages to surprise, shock and delight his son in equal measure. For instance, in a contemplative mood recently he said: “I’ve got a friend who thought Screwfix was a dating agency.”
Time for change
Tired of life in Scotland, reader Rachel Black says she intends to move to Greenwich in England next year. “I don’t know what I’m going to do in the mean time,” she adds.
Doctor knows best?
BOARD game badinage continued. Don Buchan from Newton Mearns tells us that when his children were young they never allowed him to participate when they played the popular game Operation. The reason he was excluded from all the fun? Don’s kids said that as Dad was a genuine doctor he held an unfair advantage.
“They ignored me when I tried to explain I was only a doctor because I had a PhD in history,” sighs Don. “I’d never wielded a scalpel in my life. Just a pencil for underlining interesting facts about Queen Victoria.”
Pun my word
“I told my friends ten puns to try to make them laugh,” says reader Sue Walton. “But no pun in ten did.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel