Wrong-footed
Strictly Come Dancing is returning for another waltz round the ballroom floor, with most of the celebrities already drenched in sequins. Rather than watch on telly, Margaret Portis, from East Kilbride, prefers getting in the groove herself – though she tells us her husband wasn’t impressed when she signed up for a line dancing night, along with a group of boisterous female buddies.
Hubby insisted there was to be no female-to-male fraternising at the bar on the big night out. “Line dancing’s one thing,” he told Margaret. “But let’s not have any crossing-the-line dancing.”
Cutting comment
As reported in yesterday’s Herald, the school exam results are in, and we extend a hand of sympathy to students who didn’t make the grade. (Or get the grades.) It is, however, possible to see the funny side during this testing time. We recall the (perhaps apocryphal) story of a boy completing a history essay who confused "circumnavigated" with a similar sounding word… with eye-watering results. “Columbus circumcised the globe with a two-hundred-foot clipper,” wrote the lexically-lax lad.
Basil faulty
Our story about Basil Brush proving more popular at the Edinburgh Festival than homegrown funny man Sanjeev Kohli has Motherwell reader Alec Wheen questioning the fop fox’s bankability in these enlightened times. Alec admits he was a fan of Basil in his 1970s pomp, but adds: “Being a fox, he must be partial to nibbling slow-footed bunnies that cross his path.
“Don’t you have to be a vegan to get a prime-time telly slot, nowadays?”
Paradise postponed
Linda Barr, from Ibrox, agrees with yesterday’s tongue-in-cheek tale about the catastrophic results of the influx of painted lady butterflies to Scotland. She made the fatal error of pausing at a tenement corner, after spotting a tree coated in butterflies. Revelling in the scene of pastoral bliss, she was startled to notice, beyond the tree, a chap in string vest glaring at her through his tenement window, apparently under the impression Linda was peeking at him.
Et in arcadia ego, as the Greeks were apt to say. Or, to translate into the modern idiom: “Y’ cannae hae a bit o’ summer fun wi’ oot some gurny bam flashin’ ye the pure evils.”
Bird box
On social media, Glasgow broadcaster Aasmah Mir reveals she’s no fan of the Twirlywoos. (No, that isn’t a medical condition brought on by imbibing too many gin and tonics. The Twirlywoos are puppets, avian in nature, and huge with the preschool crowd.) Spotting flyers advertising a Twirlywoos live performance, including private booths at £92 a pop, Aasmah fumes: “Private booth? For some birdy puppet things? This VIP rubbish starts young.”
Bummer Summer
This being summer, it’s umbrella season. (Umbrella season being the official title for the meteorological period that commences early January and concludes late December.) Duncan Shaw, from Kilwinning, believes climate change makes the weather even wetter. He sees no end in sight, after a drookit newspaper was delivered through his door. “It took about 20 minutes to iron dry enough for it to be fit to be handled and read,” he reports. “Which created an increase in electrical consumption, which in turn, in its own small way, added to further global warming. You can’t win.”
Undone by London
Edinburgh-raised but London-based comedian, Iain Stirling, has finally sussed how to survive in the English capital. “I’ve done yoga now. And I don’t talk to anyone,” he reveals.
“You’ve got to be bendy and rude.”
Read more: 1960: “For this job, you’ve just got to be waterproof”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel