THE charmed life of spoiled heiresses has long fascinated those of us among the general rabble. A lavish existence where you can sleep until noon and then float about in a silk robe while minions attend to your every whim? Nice work – or lack thereof – if you can get it.
Unsurprisingly, the newest addition to the poor little rich girl club is garnering attention. Mainly because Choupette Lagerfeld is a cat. A pampered Parisian cat who dines on pate and caviar eaten off fine china, has two personal maids, flies by private jet, owns an iPad and works as a model.
The blue-eyed moggy is rumoured to be among the heirs to the £150 million fortune of Karl Lagerfeld, the creative director of fashion house Chanel, who died last week aged 85.
Before his death, Lagerfeld – who was unmarried and had no children – talked about how he had "fallen in love" with Choupette, a Birman cat that he was gifted in 2012 by one of his muses, the French model Baptiste Giabiconi.
The designer once likened Choupette to Greta Garbo and even lamented that "there is no marriage yet for human beings and animals". Lagerfeld had hinted heavily that he planned to name the cat as an heir, saying: "Among others, yes. Don't worry, there is enough for everyone."
Not that the cosseted feline is short of cash already. Choupette has amassed her own personal fortune, earning more than £2.3m for two modelling jobs in 2014 alone, one for a Japanese cosmetics brand and another for a German car manufacturer.
Yet, Lagerfeld vowed that his beloved Choupette wouldn't stoop to lending her face to anything as lowly as a cat food commercial. "I don't allow her to do foodstuffs and things like this," he said. "She's too sophisticated for that."
Her days are spent hanging out with fashion industry celebrities and sitting in handbags (Chanel, naturally). Choupette – which means "sweetie" – has her own blog and social media accounts (run by digital marketing guru Ashley Tschudin).
A Twitter post thanked everyone for their words of condolence. It read: "With a once cold but now simply broken heart, I am going into mourning. I pray that your kind words and well-wishes will help me to put my best paw forward in my future without Daddy @KarlLagerfeld & as my own woman."
Lagerfeld isn't the first fashion designer to bequeath an eye-watering sum to a pet. When Alexander McQueen died in 2010, he left £50,000 of his £16 million fortune in a special fund to look after his three dogs. Media mogul Oprah Winfrey has reportedly made plans to leave £23m to her dogs.
Depending on how much Choupette receives, she could become the Guinness World Record holder as the wealthiest cat. The current incumbent of that title is the British puss Blackie who inherited £7m from his owner Ben Rea in 1988.
The ancient Egyptians would likely have shrugged and wondered what all the fuss about. Even in modern times cats are worshipped with videos on the internet. It was only a matter of time before they became famous and filthy rich.
Odd jobs
SPEAKING of how the other half lives, there came a fleeting glimpse below stairs in the Royal Household when two members of staff made headlines for allegedly engaging in what some newspapers like to call "steamy trysts".
The fendersmith and the chambermaid sounds a shoo-in for a racy Mills & Boon novel, although to be honest, I couldn't give a flying fig about reported so-called romantic liaisons behind closed doors.
What's fascinating is being reminded of the seemingly unending list of wonderfully archaic job descriptions for those in the employ of the royals which include everything from bath runner and shoe wearer to swan keeper.
There's a horological conservator to maintain more than 1,000 clocks, barometers and thermometers, a grand carver to divvy up the roast meat on special occasions, as well as an astronomer, bargemaster and botanist.
The Queen better watch out: Choupette Lagerfeld will be poaching staff for her lavish entourage.
Bad hair day
THE difference between a bad haircut and a good one is a fortnight – or so the old adage goes.
It may take a bit longer to rectify the damage, certainly to your street-cred and dignity, for anyone who takes a Vietnamese barber up on his hair-raising offer of a free trim.
The Tuan Duong Beauty Academy in Hanoi is running a special promotion to mark this week's summit between US president Donald Trump and North Korea's leader Kim Jong-un.
Punters can choose between emulating Trump's wispy combover or Kim's trademark bowl-shaped undercut. Which is a bit like deciding whether to be stabbed in the eye or in the backside – neither is particularly appealing.
Still, if you could style your hair like any politician, who would you be tempted to mimic? Well, there's the Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau whose impressive, thick thatch is uncannily reminiscent of a Disney prince.
A slicked back vibe – think oily vampire meets ballroom dancer meets Gordon Gekko from the 1987 film Wall Street – is one popular across the political spectrum, with El Salvador's new president-elect Nayib Bukele among those to sport this look.
You could go always retro and plump for a homage to Margaret Thatcher's famed helmet-like barnet, a robust structure that would have been able to withstand even the worst ravages of a Cold War nuclear attack unscathed.
Another from the vaults: the image of former Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi in a bandana is indelibly seared on my retinas.
Recovering from a hair transplant in 2004, he was photographed with Tony and Cherie Blair in Sardinia while wearing a pirate-style headscarf to protect his newly-harvested follicles. Berlusconi was previously a fan of spray-on filler which saw his hairline wax and wane like the moon.
Then there is Boris Johnson whose crowning glory makes him look like Worzel Gummidge after a three-day bender. It's slim pickings, really.
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