The mother of murdered toddler James Bulger said she seriously considered suicide in the weeks after his horrific death.
Denise Fergus said she and the two-year-old’s father, Ralph Bulger, hit “rock bottom” as their son’s third birthday approached, shortly after he was abducted from Bootle Strand shopping centre in Liverpool and killed in February 1993.
In an extract from her forthcoming memoirs, I Let Him Go, serialised in the Mail on Sunday, Ms Fergus said: “I think we both hit rock bottom, I certainly felt I had nowhere left to fall.
A video still of toddler James Bulger being led away in the New Strand shopping centre in the Bootle area of Liverpool (PA Wire)
“Did I try to kill myself? Not quite. Did I think about killing myself? Absolutely. Very often in great detail.”
Ms Fergus said their grief was compounded by her feeling that Mr Bulger blamed her for momentarily letting go of James’s hand while at the shopping centre, clearing the way for child killers Jon Venables and Robert Thompson to swoop and commit atrocities that would send shockwaves across the country.
Venables and Thompson, who were just 10 at the time of the killing, were jailed for life but released on licence with new identities in 2001.
In her memoirs, Ms Fergus described her horror at the behaviour of the defendants’ families during their murder trial.
She said: “Imagine my surprise when I saw smiles and laughter coming from their supporters as they interacted with Thompson and Venables in the dock. I just couldn’t believe my eyes.
“Then I saw their shoulders start shaking and I thought, finally, some tears, but as I looked closer I saw they were laughing at something that had been said to them.
File photo of James Bulger (PA Wire)
“I have no idea if they knew who I was, but that image of them is burned on my memory and will be with me until my dying day.
“My son was dead and they were chuckling without a care in the world.”
She added that she had not gone shopping alone since James was snatched, almost a quarter of a century ago.
Earlier this month, Venables was charged over indecent images of children for a second time.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here