SNP MP Tommy Sheppard was livid at George Osborne’s new gig as editor of London’s Evening Standard. “If you have a second or third job, then it must be something that demonstrably doesn't prevent you doing your first job as an MP,” he fizzed. No doubt, this does not apply to one Alex Salmond, who was an MSP and First Minister for three years while an MP before becoming a best-selling author and video blogger.
ECK also gave a masterclass in chuntering before the Commission on Parliamentary Reform at Holyrood yesterday, waffling until his questioners were numb. One was Lorna Hood, at whom the former FM patronisingly quoted scripture on Solomon and “the Lord Jesus”. We suspect she’s heard of them. Ms Hood used to be moderator of the Church of Scotland.
AN email arrives from the commercial arm of po-faced Indy thinktank Common Weal. “Push the boat out this Mother's Day by getting your Mammy a unique piece of jewellery”, it gushes. Highlights include designer Yes trinkets. “If your Mum is a passionate supporter of independence, why not treat her to this sterling silver pendant which she can wear proudly every day.” As if the referendum wasn’t hanging round everyone’s neck already...
SNP trade spokeswoman Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh has been chatting to German broadcaster Deutsche Welle about Europe. “I have spoken to several EU nations,” the MP was reported saying. “I have been to Norway and Iceland, my colleagues have been to other EU states, like Liechtenstein and Switzerland.” Only one snag. None of those countries are in the EU. They make up EFTA. Is it any wonder the SNP’s position on Europe is so confused?
LAST week’s referendum debate was a mind-melting classic. Unspun’s toes are still curled at the SNP’s Bob Doris recalling his nine-year-old niece the morning after the first referendum. In his best babytalk voice, he told MSPs: “Her first two words were, ‘Mummy, independence?’” The official report then notes “laughter”. Mr Doris huffed: “I did not realise that that was a matter for laughter.” Well you do now, Bob.
STILL, not as bad as lachrymose LibDem Alex Cole-Hamilton who blubbed during the proceedings. After a purple start (“These islands run through me”) he ended white as a sheet after losing his thread on the EU. “I am sorry, just one second; I get very emotional about this,” he choked. Strangely, Willie Rennie chortled throughout, almost as if he was enjoying the leader-in-waiting’s humiliation.
BUT nothing could beat Nat Clare Adamson, who stunned everyone with this corker. “We are talking about the future of our country - not some existential version of Schrödinger’s cat whereby all things are possible until they are observed. The Scottish people are observing, the Brexit box is open, and the cat is about to eat the poison. The way for it to avoid the inevitable is just to get out of the box. It really is that simple.” What a relief that’s cleared up!
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