Hello and welcome to The Midge, the e-bulletin that takes a bite out of politics in Scotland and elsewhere. 

Front pages

In The Herald, Martin Williams reports on a day of branch closures and jobs moving abroad in the banking industry. 

“The face of Little Britain” is the headline in The National accompanying a picture of Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson. 

The Mail’s splash is “Justice gone mad (part II)” with the paper reporting the case of a man who left a victim with brain injuries but avoided jail. 

The Herald: The Evening Times campaign to save Glasgow’s Jobcentres has lined up backing from across the political divide. 

The Times has a piece from PM Theresa May in which she writes: “While I respect the views of all those in Scotland who wanted the UK to remain in the EU, I do not believe that their votes represent a wish to separate Scotland from the rest of the UK or rerun the independence referendum.”

Britain is now engaged on a “trade crusade”, reports the Telegraph with the International Trade Secretary Liam Fox talking to 12 countries, including China and Australia. 

The FT reports that the stock market trading surge since Donald Trump’s election victory has played a part in the tripling of Goldman Sachs profits.

The Guardian pictures Obama at his last press conference as US president, where he declared that “justice has been served” in the case of the whistleblower Chelsea Manning, whose 35-year jail sentence has been commuted.  

Camley’s cartoon

The Herald:

Camley reflects on how the bank business is changing, and not for the better. 

FFS: Five in five seconds

1. What’s the story? Former SNP First Minister Alex Salmond has had an on-air scrap with fellow LBC presenter Iain Dale. 

2. Raised voices on talk radio. Are we talking two bald men fighting over a comb? This one got a touch scratchy for a while, and at its heart was the hot topic of “fake news”. 

3. Explain? Dale brought up a tweet from the SNP MP Dr Paul Monaghan. It began with an introduction from Dr Monaghan, saying: “In her own words, this is what Theresa May said a #Hard Brexit would mean for the people of the UK.” Underneath was a quote, beside a picture of Theresa May. Photoshopped to look like an official announcement, complete with government logo, the quote said: 

“Yes, things will cost more. Yes, you’ll have to retire later. Yes, our standing in the world will decline and, yes, any deal we make will be significantly worse than what we have now - but isn’t that worth it to finally become that bitter tax haven, isolated from humanity by a xenophobic media that Nigel Farage always wanted.”

You won’t be able to see the tweet on Dr Monaghan’s account as it has been deleted, but LBC managed to screen shot it. 

The Herald:

Dale demanded Mr Salmond condemn the tweet, saying: “What a disgraceful piece of fake news that is.”

4. Salmond’s response? He said it was “a desperate attempt” by Dale to whip himself into a state of outrage and it was “clearly an ironic quote”. Dr Monaghan had taken down the tweet, he added, because he realised irony was difficult to communicate on Twitter. He went on: “Most of the things in that quote are true. The only thing that’s wrong with it is presenting it in an official government bulletin which it clearly is not because it is meant to be ironic. Get a life, Iain, for goodness sake. I wouldn’t have done it but I don’t think it’s an outrage and I think your description of it is hyperbole.”

5. How did it end? All chums again, with Mr Salmond telling Dale, who is in DC for the inauguration, to “pass on my regards and congratulations” to Donald Trump. 

Afore Ye Go

The Herald:

"If Monsieur Hollande wants to administer punishment beatings to anyone who chooses to escape, rather in the manner of some World War Two movie, then I don't think that's the way forward.”

Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson. Downing Street rebuffed calls for Mr Johnson to apologise, saying he had not been comparing the French president to a Nazi. Dan Kitwood/Getty Images

Michael Gove speaks up for his old mucker.

The Herald:

9.30am, Tuesday, January 24

When the Supreme Court will give its judgment in the legal battle over Brexit. The court will decide whether to reject or allow a Government appeal against a High Court ruling which blocked the royal prerogative being used to trigger Britain's exit from the European Union without Parliament having a say. The ruling was won by campaigners led by investment manager Gina Miller, above. Dan Kitwood/Getty Images.

The Herald:

“Little Britain Brexit”

Computer says no … SNP Westminster leader Angus Robertson, speaking at PMQs, has a certain television programme in mind when describing Theresa May’s approach to Brexit, which he said would cost 80,000 jobs in Scotland. BBC

The Herald:

“You once again talk about the possibility of negative impact on Scotland if Scotland were not part of the single market. Your party is dedicated to taking Scotland out of the single market by taking it out of the United Kingdom.”

Theresa May responds. Facundo Arrizabalaga/PA Wire.

The Herald: Theresa May's sartorial choice for her Brexit speech invites comparisons with a certain furry litter-picker from Wimbledon. Thanks to Gordon Jones from Aberdour. 

The Herald:

"His hair is a mixture of human hair and yak hair.”

Madame Tussaud’s hair stylist on its new model of Donald Trump. CNN. Nick Ansell/PA Wire

The Herald:

“A friend of mine wrote [Donald Trump’s] biography and was in Trump Tower. He assures me the books in his bookshelves were false spines and the paintings were reproductions.”

The horror, as expressed by novelist Jay McInerney to Jon Snow, Channel 4 News. In the same interview, Snow said of Mr Trump’s arrival in office, “People think it will be a fairly splashy first few days.” Eugene Gologursky/Getty Images

Thanks to STV's Colin Mackay.

The Herald:

“Ex-PM Gordon Osborne met pop star Shakira in Davos to talk about education.”

Caption in the dailymail.co.uk website below a picture of Gordon Brown and the singer. How quickly they forget. Leon Neal/Getty Images. Below, the actual meeting, as tweeted by Shakira.

Meanwhile, on the Sir Andy Murray honours front:

Thanks for reading. See you tomorrow. Twitter: @alisonmrowat