AS expected he arrived to a hero’s welcome from the TUC comrades but, unfortunately, his reputation for 70s-style shambolic preparation preceded him and Jeremy Corbyn was late for his own standing ovation.
Delegates hooted and whistled when the great leader was introduced but Jezza failed to appear stage left. They clapped some more and still no party leader. To laughter, Leslie Manasseh, the TUC President, told delegates: “Apologies, comrades. He’s on his way.”
Seconds later, Mr C finally turned up. Waving, smiling and, Syriza-style, tieless.
He told the “brothers and sisters” that he was and always would be an active trade unionist, which naturally stirred a round of applause.
But for the next 20 minutes the comrades had to endure a rambling, unstructured and uninspiring speech, which omitted key sections that were promoted beforehand.
At one point, Mr C attacked the Chinese government for applying a “free-market philosophy” to the operation of a port, which had caused the deaths of fire-fighters, trying to protect other workers, who themselves should have been protected by decent safety regulations.
One comrade noted softly the Labour leader seemed to be criticising the People’s Republic for, er, not being Communist enough.
Mr C denigrated the Government’s “declaration of war” on the trade unions with its planned reforms, suggesting David Cameron was adopting the policies of former fascist dictator General Franco, who had attempted to control the brothers and sisters of Spain.
Labour’s chief comrade pressed the fraternal buttons of unity, solidarity and compassion and even praised the striking workers at London’s National Gallery.
One of the few lighter moments in a dreadfully dull speech came when the hairy Leftie took a pop at the Tories, noting how the number of votes cast for him in the leadership election was, actually, more than twice the entire Conservative Party membership. “That’s something to savour,” he declared to applause.
As Mr C left Brighton, he was greeted by a gaggle of supporters from the People’s Republic of Brighton and disappeared amid a throng of camera crews.
All that could be seen was a moving hand. The question is: was its owner waving or drowning.
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