YOU have met the Osbournes, shaken hands with the Simpsons. Now comes the chance of a close encounter with another dysfunctional family - the Bratchpieces.
Scotland's only family of stand-up comedians will make history when they all get together for the first time at the Glasgow International Comedy Festival 2004 which begins on Wednesday.
Mark, the ''Motherwell Woody Allen with facial hair'', and his sons Bratchy and the Wee Man will go on stage on April 2 - as a natural extension of April 1 - at the Arches in Glasgow.
The Bratchpieces are touting it as the show you cannot afford to miss. Although others will tell you that if you can afford it then missing it is money well spent.
Mark Bratchpiece said: ''I'm really excited about appearing with all the boys for the first time. My worry, of course, is that they'll show up the auld yin. If they do, I'll send them to bed early, with no story. I often read them old Motherwell Council minutes. They like travel books.
''But, seriously, we can guarantee variety, at least. I like to cheer people up with tales of poignant circumcision and arthritis. David is observational, observing with a twisted lens, and a bags-of-energy comic, and Martin and Wee Man are . . . well, you have to see them. I've sneaked a read at some of their new stuff. Think League of Gentleman crossed with Stephen King.''
David Bratchpiece, 27, the elder son, said it all started at the family dinner table.
''You could hardly eat for the jokes and laughter. Of course, we were watching The Simpsons at the time. Otherwise, we would just argue over whose turn it was to poke the dog with a fork.''
Neil, 20, explained the family's mordant humour: ''Dad's a Hamilton Accies fan.''
Mark always wanted to be a football player. That's when he discovered he could make people laugh. Playing football.
Neil is known as the Wee Man, in the double act, Martin and the Wee Man. Martin claims his second name is Smith, and he is not really a Bratchpiece. This could be true. No-one can remember seeing him at the dinner table.
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