Angels & Demons (12A)
Dir: Ron Howard With: Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor, Ayelet Zurer ***
And so it came to pass in the year of our Lord 2009 that a sequel emerged to The Da Vinci Code. Since the first picture in the Vatican- bothering series had been so tedious as to try the patience of preternaturally forbearing saints, hopes were low for Angels & Demons.
But lo, Ron Howard's picture arrived and it was... surprisingly, not too bad. Still heroically silly, still about as plausible as the tooth fairy becoming head of the Bank of England, but at least the hokum this time around is entertaining hokum. Howard, the double Oscar-winning director of A Beautiful Mind and Frost/Nixon, has learned from his 2006 encounter with Dan Brown's turgid blockbusters.
First, he's kept Tom Hanks, possibly the only actor alive who could make this material work. Second, he's increased the pace and pared down the plot. Finally, crucially, he's lightened up, adding some humour to the mix.
Not that the initial signs are promising. Angels & Demons kicks off with wave after wave of exposition to set up the story. First comes a seminar on what happens after the death of a Pope. Then we're on to a tutorial about a fight between the Catholic Church and the Illuminati, an ancient secret society founded to promote science above religion (see wilder reaches of t'internet for further details).
Grey matter going into meltdown, Howard switches focus again to Geneva, the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN), and the production of antimatter. Never let it be said you learn nothing at the movies.
Just as all hope of making sense of the plot appears to be lost, Howard takes his story by the scruff of the neck.
A group of cardinals has been kidnapped by the Illuminati. One will be killed each hour, with the horrific sequence of events ending in the explosion of an antimatter bomb that will destroy Vatican City. In such dire straits, who is the church gonna call? Why, a Harvard symbologist, of course.
Like his literary creator, Robert Langdon (Hanks) has form with the church. He, like the audience, is therefore stunned to find an emissary from the Vatican turning up to seek his help.
Speaking with a heavy dose of irony about his previous run-in with the church - something about a bloodline and Mary Magdalene - Langdon tells his visitor: "I wasn't under the impression that episode had endeared me to the Vatican."
Quite so. To have a story in which Langdon now comes to the aid of the church is cheek of the highest order. But cometh the hour, etc, and Langdon is on a flight to Rome. Joining him there from Geneva is Vittoria Vetra (Ayelet Zurer), a bioentanglement physicist. A bio whatty, you say? Vetra knows all about antimatter. Just as importantly, she can run in high heels, so she's on the team.
The symbologist and the bio-entanglement physicist are joined by Ewan McGregor's Oirish priest, Armin Mueller-Stahl's stern cardinal and Stellan Skarsgard's snippy Swiss Guard chief in trying to find the kidnap victims and the bomb. In short, Howard makes the tale work by reducing it to that most ancient of plots - ye olde race against the clock. He has Hanks and Zurer tearing along from clue to clue like contestants on a demented version of 3-2-1. All that's missing is Dusty Bin rolling out from behind a pillar and introducing himself as a bioentanglement waste operative.
The viewer continues to be bombarded by huge meteorites of exposition, but the screenplay by David Koepp (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull) and Akiva Goldsman (The Da Vinci Code, A Beautiful Mind), reduces most of it to a simple call and response. Someone asks a question of Langdon, he gives the answer, and hey ho it's on to the next query.
Howard makes up for the dull patches with some excellent set-pieces, one of them involving Langdon in the Vatican archive. (Due to a reported filming ban, the archive and several other settings had to be imagined or reconstructed by the set designers.) Besides the turbo pace set by Howard, a batch of workmanlike performances keep Angels & Demons zipping along. Hanks, sporting a natty new haircut and spouting a couple of witty lines, is on form. Scotland's Ewan McGregor is about as hit and miss as his accent, while Skarsgard and Mueller-Stahl lend a touch of acting heft. Zurer, though hobbled by a tight suit and a sidekick part, copes admirably.
As the end finally moves into sight, Howard pitches McGregor into scenes that don't so much throw caution and sense to the wind as hurl them into a passing tornado, Wizard of Oz-style. Torn between rocking with laughter and shaking your head in wonder at the screaming ludicrousness of it all, it's probably wise to do both.
Angels & Demons: not angelic, not demonic, just daft. There are worse things in heaven, earth and cinema.
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