Now, the eau grades

It was just the fillip the American football players and their effervescent cheerleaders needed, after a season that has been more gruesome than glorious. A recent string of defeats - notably by Frankfurt at an away game a couple of weeks ago - was a depressing contrast to the earlier record of the team since its start-up in 1995.

In 1996, in front of a 40,000 crowd at Murrayfield, they won the World Bowl. ''We were walking on air in those days,'' admitted media relations chief Steve Livingstone.

''But lately we've had some terrible injuries, and four out of five of the games we lost were very, very close indeed.''

Never mind, Sunday was the shot in the arm they needed, and this Sunday afternoon they hope to hear a real ego-boosting Hampden roar, when they meet Frankfurt in Glasgow - their first-ever game in the city.

It will, as always, be a real

family day, with masses of entertainment and everything from bars to bouncy castles backfield.

If you wonder why I, of all people (well-known for complete bafflement at all sporting matters) should be going on about our

42-man, massively-built squad of would-be heroes, it's because I recently got to know them over a drink or two . . .

And no, I don't mean the hard stuff. I have been advised that

players of American football are instructed (not requested) by their head coach, Jim Criner, to drink at least two bottles of water a day. And since I just happened to be checking out the merits of fruit-flavoured mineral waters, who better to help me?

There are seven Scots among the squad, but my tester for the day was Troy Bailey, who calls himself ''a gentle giant'' (and you thought journalists were the only ones who could come up with a cliche at the drop of a hat), an amiable import from Oregon. Weighing in at 300lbs, 6ft 4ins tall, age 26, he has a degree in Planning and Public Policy, once played in front of 102,000 people at The Rose Bowl. He plays defensive tackle, whatever that is!

He was assisted by two chirpy cheerleaders, Debbie Jackson, 26, from East Kilbride and Dominique Harkins, 19, from Kilsyth.

Despite Troy's having sustained quite a few wallops on the field lately, all three of them looked so fit and energy-oozing it made me feel like a limp rag. Slugging back mineral water, they maintain, is one of their secrets.

Mostly, though, they choose the plain stuff. How would this array of exotically-flavoured potions appeal to them?

Here's how: (The test was carried out in the bar of the Charing Cross Tower Hotel, where the squad is based for home games).

Perfectly Clear Naturally Flavoured Sparkling Soft Drink Mango & Pineapple & Banana (low calories) 500ml 69p

n Debbie got a strong taste of banana, while Dominique was hit by the pineapple taste. Neither thought it was a real fruity, fresh taste, and both found it a bit overpowering and artificially sweet. Troy said: ''I was raised in Hawaii but I don't really recognise any of the fruit flavours. What I do like is the packaging, a clear bottle with a bright cluster of fruit on the label, very enticing.''

Scores: Debbie six out of 10, Dominique four out of 10, Troy six out of 10. Total: 16 out of 30

Safeway Glencairn Spring Water with a Hint of Lime (''sparkling lime-flavoured carbonated water'') 60p for one litre

n There was quite a bit on the label about it being filtered in volcanic rock. The team thought it just tasted like soda water with a slice of lime in it. ''It's refreshing and more like the original flavoured mineral water before they introduced all these fancy sweet flavours,'' said Debbie approvingly. Dominique would have liked a bit more lime in the taste. ''It's a bit dull,'' she felt. Troy observed just a touch of Alka Seltzer to his taste buds, but he didn't mind it.

Scores: Debbie seven out of 10, Dominique four out of 10, Troy six out of 10. Total: 17 out of 30

Boots Shapers Orchard Apple & Pear Still Flavoured Spring Water (7 calories) 500ml 65p

n Debbie: The smell is disgusting but the taste is nice, quite subtle. It's all right, if you don't sniff first.'' Dominique: ''The smell isn't good, but I like the taste. My preference is for still water anyway. It's not terribly fruity but deliciously pleasant to drink.'' Troy: ''They really need to do something about the smell, but it tastes fine. And it does taste of real passion fruit.''

Scores: Debbie five out of 10, Dominique 91/2 out of 10, Troy seven out of 10. Total: 211/2 out of 30

MacB Clear Natural Sparkling Scottish Spring Water, Peach Flavoured (sugar free) 330ml 32p

n This was a distinct authentic peach taste, according to the panel. Debbie thought it was slightly flatter than a sparkling water ought to be, but liked the taste. Dominique liked it because it wasn't too fizzy. It was, she said, a good flavour without being overpowering. Troy liked it. ''It's a real mild peachy taste. I could drink this without any problems.'' Most supermarkets and drugstores sell this.

Scores: Debbie six out of 10, Dominique eight out of 10, Troy seven out of 10. Total: 21 out of 30

Strathmore Clear Hedgerow Blackberry Sparkling Scottish Spring Water (low calorie) 1.5 litre 99p

n ''Oh, yes, I like this very much. It's refreshing. It's not too sharp. I could drink a bucketful of this,'' was Debbie's verdict. Dominique also gave it good marks. ''It's very fresh and fruity and the flavour seems genuine.'' Troy thought it was among the best in the bunch. ''It's good,'' he said. ''By the way, what's a hedgerow?'' (This is one feature of all the labels. They go in for a lot of tautology. Orchard Apple . . . Hedgerow Blackberry. Where else do you expect the stuff to grow?)

Scores: Debbie eight out of 10, Dominique eight out of 10, Troy 71/2 out of 10. Total: 231/2 out of 30

Woolworths Strawberry Flavour Carbonated Mineral Water (under 3 calories a bottle) 330ml 49p

n This had a very strong odour

of ''sweetie-flavouring''. Debbie thought it was a bit over the top, more like a child's sweet drink. Dominique found it slightly

sickly. Troy said it was a very strong but undeniable strawberry taste and flavour, which he quite liked in small doses.

Scores: Debbie seven out of 10, Dominique five out of 10, Troy six out of 10. Total: 18 out of 30.

Ribena Twist Lightly Sparkling Spring Water with a hint of Wild Raspberry 300ml 75p

n I'm afraid ''Uggh!'' was the first comment all round. Debbie sniffed and said: ''It smells like penny sweets, a cheap and

nasty flavour really hits you.'' Dominique noted: ''It has a

horrible sour aftertaste that catches in your throat''. Troy said: ''The taste is strong; it sure has a kick, but I wouldn't

recommend it, oh no.''

Scores: Debbie three out of 10, Dominique one out of 10, Troy three out of 10. Total: seven out of 30

n You may have noticed that there is an immense variation in bottle sizes and prices. Interestingly, Strathmore, which came out top of our test, was second cheapest, at just over 61/2p per 100ml. To save you getting out your calculator, here are the costs per 100ml: Ribena Twist 25p, Woolworths just under 15p, Perfectly Clear just under 14p, Boots Shapers 13p, MacB just under 10p, Strathmore just over 61/2p, Safeway Glencairn 6p.

The Glencairn was in a green glass bottle, the rest in various shapes and sizes of clear plastic. The Boots Shaper bottle was square-shaped, which we didn't like and found awkward for pouring. Perfectly Clear was the favourite for presentation.

Word at the bar of the Charing Cross Towers was that they've all but stopped ordering flavoured mineral waters as people seem to prefer the unflavoured type. Shops and supermarkets, on the other hand, are supplying more and more variations on exotic fruit flavours, so someone must want them. Personally, I like the stuff that comes out of the tap.

n Even if you don't know anything about touchdowns, tight ends, guards, and tackles, you'll enjoy the party atmosphere at Hampden on Sunday, when the Claymores take on Frankfurt Galaxy, kick-off 3pm.