Changed days

to stay just the way you are. In

the idealistic scheme of things, true

love means that no adjustments

are necessary.

Dream on. The fact is that for all we might purr I wouldn't change anything about you, in the throes of passion, once our ardour has cooled there are few of us so who wouldn't mind

making a few tweaks here and there. This might not entail anything as drastic as packing our loved one off to a plastic surgeon or a masochistic fitness trainer - as the supposedly infatuated Antonio Banderas reportedly ''encouraged'' his older wife, Melanie Griffith, to do - but if we could wave a magic wand we might just feel inclined to make some improvements.

Perhaps just a slight, em, filleting, of their wardrobe, ditching all the garments that have given cause for concern. Nothing drastic, of course. Well, nothing that a small bonfire in the back garden couldn't cure. After all, what could stoke the flames of love more than the spectacle of the hated rugby top/faded Metallica tour T-shirt, or the despised lime green cocktail dress going up in smoke?

But those who are tempted to become the style director of their union should beware. Once you start wandering down the path of attempting to improve your other half it can be difficult to stop. You might reckon you are simply making subtle hints while your partner starts to perceive you as a bully or a nag. Attempt a spot of creative criticism and you could soon end up on dangerous territory: in a singles club, for instance, or a divorce court.

In a society where everyone is obsessed with the idea of finding the perfect partner, the man of their dreams, or the Queen of Babeland, some people have obviously decided to abort that mission and instead settle for someone who may not be quite what they were looking for, but who they reckon they can fashion into their ideal date. This Pygmalion fantasy is the reason so many relationships come unstuck, as people fall in love with not the man or woman they meet, but the man or woman they think their new partner might become, given suitable direction.

Of course, it rarely works - as proven in the union between Prince Charles and Diana Spencer. Perhaps ''Shy Di'' seemed like a malleable young girl, but the heir to the throne's attempts to nudge her in the direction of his shootin' and fishin' and philosophy-

discussing set were disastrously unsuccessful. Maybe it was his failure to accept her for who she was in those early years of their marriage - a Wham!-listening, fashion-conscious, aerobics-obsessed young woman - which led to their relationship breakdown.

Like Prince Charles and Banderas, many men try to play Professor Higgins in their own little ways. Of course, it's not always about leading someone in an upmarket direction. On a banal level it can be as humdrum as the thankless task of trying to instil a passion for football or Formula One. More worrying is a focus on cosmetics. It is difficult to know which is more sinister - the chap who wants his girlfriend to slap on more make up, or the possessive man who wants to wipe the lipstick'ed smile off his wife's face? Both are control freaks.

However, it is mainly women who are prone to the Pygmalion fantasy, it is women who are more likely to nurture a foolish belief in love's miraculous transforming powers, who see a prince in every frog. Poor fools. Women's passion for affecting change is often their downfall. Adopting a missionary position in a relationship is nearly always frustrating; no matter how zealous you are you will find it tough to convert a man from such lifelong habits as worshipping the beer god. As the late Natalie Wood once dryly noted: ''The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.''

This is a lesson which Soon-Yi Previn would do well to note. Apparently the adopted daughter of actress Mia Farrow and conductor Andre Previn is on the kind of mission which may well end in tears. She married her former father figure, Woody Allen, just before Christmas after a lengthy relationship which had a scandalous start. Soon-Yi, who is often described as being a ''child bride'' despite being a really quite adult 27 years of age, is trying to do a major makeover on her bookish husband. She is encouraging a man who has made a profession out of being pale and nerdy to get a suntan and wear Armani suits (apparently he hasn't dared to wear them in public yet).

Soon-Yi is also persuading the 62-year-old director, who has boasted he has never exercised in his life, to start working out at the gym. The notion of Woody Allen turning into a Harrison Ford hybrid is strange - but also unlikely. Allen may indulge his young wife for a while, but if their marriage is to succeed she will probably have to get used to the fact that she is never going to turn her aged culture vulture into a dashing Adonis.

They say that love is blind, but it's amazing how quickly some people take off the blinkers. Soon-Yi should reflect on just what unconditional love really means. You have to accept your partner, warts and all. And that doesn't mean crossing your fingers, puckering up, and reaching for the liquid nitrogen behind his back.