The time, the place: BBC1, 1978-1991.
But really: Southfork Ranch, Braddock County, Texas, in the hog-heaven years after the A-rabs obligingly hiked the oil price.
Format: a rich extended family of oil tycoons spend their lives eating Texas-sized outdoor breakfasts on the Southfork porch and conspiring to ruin each other's lives.
Cult credentials: Shakespeareanly magnificent creation of smiling villain J R Ewing (Larry Hagman), after whom at least three pubs in Glasgow were named or renamed in the 1980s - one of them, in Partick, had a lounge named after his dipso wife, Sue Ellen (Linda Gray). White-trash-make-good appeal - the oil-rich Ewings were just one rung up the social ladder from the Beverly Hillbillies, but this being Texas, no-one ever criticised their taste in soft furnishings.
Identity Crises and Brechtian Alienation Effect: no-one was played by one actor in Dallas when two or three would do. Miss Ellie started and finished as Barbara Bel Geddes, but was Donna Reed for a while in between; JR's son JR Ewing III changed overnight from Tyler Banks to Omri Katz; J R's mistress Jenna Wade was three different people including Priscilla Presley; the Kristin who shot JR looked nothing like the first Kristin. And none of the others ever noticed.
The Season That Wasn't: in 1985 J R's brother Bobby died in a hit-and-run caused by Patrick Duffy asking for more money. Ratings slumped, so a year later his wife Pam (Victoria Principal) awoke from uneasy slumbers to find him soaping up in the shower - lo, the past 26 episodes, including the widowed Pam's second marriage, had all been a dream. On the side of gritty realism, however, Bobby was at least still Patrick Duffy.
The Husband That Wasn't: some time after Jock (Jim Davis) went missing, presumed dead, in a helicopter crash in South America, a gold-digger called Wes Parmalee (Steve Forrest) turned up at Southfork claiming, despite looking nothing like him (plastic surgery and all that, you know), to be the miraculously surviving Ewing paterfamlias. Miss Ellie was very nearly convinced, but then she didn't know what she looked like herself from one season to another.
The Kennedy connection: there is a seriously held theory among a certain school of conspiracy dingbats that the whole series is a coded biography of America's First Family and in particular an expose of the JFK assassination. There's the setting of Dallas, for a start. Then the family patriarchs, Jock Ewing and Joseph Kennedy: two womanising old soaks ruthless in business. Tragic family matriarchs Rose Kennedy and Miss Ellie: we can safely assume each owned a black dress. JFK and J R: two charismatic rogues both referred to by their initials, each with a nicer, younger brother called Bobby (Patrick Duffy) who would die a violent and premature death. After being shot, both J R and JFK were taken to Dallas Parkland Hospital. And the episode Who Shot JR? was first screened on November 21, 1980 . . . the very eve of the anniversary of the JFK assassination. All that you call a coincidence?
Yes, we do: thank goodness.
Just remind us - who shot JR, again? A wronged woman, of course - his nefariously pregnant sister-in-law Kristin Shepard (Mary Crosby). Were they trying to tell us that JFK was really assassinated in a revenge kill by the Marilyn Monroe Appreciation Society? Mm . . . probably not: spoilsports!
In the end: plots started getting implausible and repetitive. Bobby followed J R in getting shot by his sister-in-law, J R fell on hard times and shuttled in and out of prison and mental hospital, and shot himself at the end of a bizarre final episode, based on the film It's A Wonderful Life, in which an angel explained what would have happened
to everyone else (been happier, mostly) if he had never been born.
Moral: money can't make you happy - but at least you can be miserable in comfort . . .
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article