It's all a bit of a grey area

SHOULD you happen to find yourself in a Ukrainian defence ministry one day soon, watch out for a rather nice photograph of a Scottish thistle, handsomely framed and in pride of place in Olexandr Kuzmuk's office.

It's hard to choose prezzies for your opposite number when you're a government minister. Too flash is embarrassing; too trivial and you could dampen diplomatic relationships for years.

Something tasteful, portable, unique in this case, the thistle was snapped, with tender loving care, by British Defence Secretary George Robertson.

''It seemed more imaginative than a plate or a bowl,'' he says, ''and they liked it so much we've started doing it for

other countries.''

As pictures of thistles go, it's a jolly good one. Our George is a bit of a dab hand at photography, though rumours that he's been offered a job on the Herald

picture desk should his present post ever go pear-shaped have been denied strenuously by our picture editor James Connor.

Robertson is a leading light in the Commons all-party photographic group. In fact he maintains that around the time he was named Parliamentarian of the Year, or even when he was made a Minister, he was still gutted at having only one of his pictures entered for the club's annual exhibition.

''You aim for six,'' he said. ''One! what a downer that was! I was destroyed!''

His hobby is now known far beyond the corridors of Westminster. The United Arab Emirates recently gave him a book of photographs signed by its president, Sheikh Zayed. ''The Sheikh and I seemed to hit if off very well, possibly because he discovered that I had once worked as a shepherd on my uncle's hill farm. That really touched him. He had come from a poor background and the thought of me working on the land just struck a chord. So when we should have been talking about important matters of defence, we seemed to talk a lot about sheep . . .''

Mind you, some of the Defence Secretary's snap-happy moments can meet with disapproval by his colleagues. ''I was taking a picture of some friends under Big Ben when Virginia Bottomley passed by. 'I thought you'd have more important things to do, George,' she said.''

Anyway, for a consumer test on the quality of film processing available to him and other camera fiends, Robertson kindly let us have five films to put through their paces, after which snapper-in-chief Connor scrutinised the results and passed comment on the quality. The Robertson camera is normally a quite classy 35mm number, but this time we gave him an ''idiot-proof'' automatic to use, the kind you and I and auntie might take with us to family weddings or summer holidays.

n All films were Fuji, 36 exposures, and I asked for standard-size prints.

Azad Video, Byres Road, Glasgow

Taken in in the afternoon, to be collected next day, #3.99.

n These should have been lovely, since they were taken in Robertson's favourite holiday retreat of Bowmore, Islay, where the light, he says, is ''amazing'' and there are deserted silvery beaches and rugged hills. ''These prints are very greenish,'' says Connor. ''Not really very good at all. They lack sparkle. They look flat. The sand doesn't look like sand. The interesting cloud formations, dark brooding clouds and pale skies, just look dead. Lacklustre is the way I'd describe them.'' There were some dramatic shots of ripples on the sand, pale shimmering waters, and smooth pastel-coloured pebbles. But the process dulled them down.

Score: 4 out of 10.

Tom Dickson (Cameras) Glasgow Ltd

Submitted late afternoon, to be ready after 11am next day, #3.99

n ''These are brighter, just look at them. This is Islay again, and, to be fair, it is obviously a better day, but even so the light and colour are much better. The white in the walls of the houses is a nice creamy white, the sand has texture, people's skin tones are pleasant.'' The Big Ben picture, with friends, was also among this batch, plus some shots of beloved grandson. three-year-old Michael, and his Teletubby birthday cake.

Score: 7 out of 10.

The Jessop Group Ltd

Good value at #4.99

(over-night) plus a free film.

n Some very distinguished shots here, of the Minister's office, all dark leather chairs and sofas, lavish bookcases, and a portrait of Lord Nelson, and also a magnificent dome which turned out to be the main mosque in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia - these must have made a change for the processors, from the usual snaps of Majorca and Millport. ''Not bad, but there is a hint of magenta in there,'' says Connor. ''This makes the pictures slightly flatter. In some shots it can look quite nice, but not always. Some have been taken with flash, some with the natural light, and the latter are the ones with a warmer tone.''

Score: 6 out of 10.

News Plus, Union Street, Glasgow (processed by Robert Whyte Photographics Ltd)

The cheapest, at #2.35, handed in mid-afternoon, to be picked up at 5pm next day.

n ''These are a funny wee size. I don't like them,'' says Connor. ''Actually the colour isn't bad, and there are some difficult, complicated shots here, which have turned out OK. But the small size is really off-putting.'' They were 3.5'' x 5'', compared with the usual size of 4'' x 6'', but they were intriguing pictures all the same, including the statue of David in Florence, some pretty nature notes of stones and leaves, and some grand family portraits, including one of mother-in-law.

Score: 5 out of 10.

Supasnaps, 5'' by 7'', #5.99 for 3 day processing or #6.99 for next day (for 6'' x 4'' it would have been #4.69 and #5.49).

n I did ask for standard size, but this is what I was given, plus a ''photo index'', stamp-sized contacts of all the pictures. I liked the big size but Connor didn't. ''I find that as off-putting as the too-small ones, though I know they're popular with the public,'' he says. ''It's a nice set of snaps though, good colour balance and tone. He's taken some good stuff here and the processing is all right.'' Some splendid family groups, with wife Sandra, mum and mum-in-law, sons Malcolm and Martin, daughter Rachel, and grandson Michael. And the photographer himself, back-row right. Other individual family portraits, and some creative greenery and sky formations made up the set.

Score: 7 out of 10.

Robertson himself uses Bonus Point for his films and finds them ''pretty good''. With 340,000 employees and the serious travel that goes with the job, he doesn't get as much time for his hobby as he'd like, but foreign leaders can look forward to future gifts of framed seascapes, mountains, rooftops, and thistles with that very personal touch. Much better than a tartan tea-cosy, eh?