How do you get rid of someone from your life when they don't want to go? I was engaged to Kenny for two years but finished with him eight months ago because I could not see things working out for us. I have since met someone else

and could settle down with him, if I was allowed to.

Kenny can't seem to accept that I don't want anything to do with him. He keeps telephoning me at all times of the day and night saying he wants me back, and even though I try to reason with him he never gives up. If Jack answers he hangs up.

Anonymous notes have also been written to Jack, at work, suggesting that I am seeing other men, and cheating on him. They indicate that the writer knows my movements, and while I lead a fairly predictable life, the details of restaurants I have visited and times I have been away from home are very accurate. I am not sure whether Kenny is following me, or if one of my friends is tipping him off. Neither prospect is very pleasant.

Kenny pretends to some of our friends that there is still something between us although I have been at pains to point out to them that we are no longer an item, and haven't been for quite a long time.

What I would like to do is get my life back. Jack is being very understanding, but I worry that if this continues he will start to believe some of the lies.

I have written to Kenny explaining that I want nothing more to do with him, but it doesn't make any difference.

Can you suggest any actions I might take to resolve this situation?

name and address supplied

This is a very unpleasant situation for you, and I can understand that you want it to change. However, it may be necessary for you to take some drastic action in order to sort this out.

In the first instance you may wish to change your telephone number and become ex-directory in order to avoid the telephone calls. The fact that you react to the telephone calls, by getting into conversation with your ex-fiance, will encourage him to continue making the calls.

He is able to hear your voice, and what he is looking for is contact, and a reaction. You could change your tactics when you answer the telephone, by lifting the receiver and keeping silent. Leave him, or any other caller to speak first and hang up if you hear

his voice. This lack of reaction can be

very effective.

If you believe that a friend is passing information on to him about your movements you could give friends you may suspect some incorrect information and see if he responds to it. Should he persist you may have to consider making a complaint to the police, or having a solicitor write to him on your behalf, asking him to stop contacting you.

It is very unpleasant to find your life haunted by someone you don't want around, and it is not a situation which you should accept. Take action now.

The place where I work has been taken over. We were quite a big firm before, but there was a very good atmosphere. Everyone knew everyone and we helped each other out. Our boss was the owner and if there were any problems we went to her. But now we have been bought everything is different. Our old boss is gone, and we never see anyone from head office, not since they came to tell us what was going on.

I work in the purchasing department and used to do a lot of negotiations which I enjoyed, and had control of my own section. Now head office says what we have to purchase from a central source and there is no negotiation, we are just told what the price is.

My job isn't the same as it was and it has lost a lot of its responsibility and job satisfaction. I don't feel I am earning my pay anymore, and worry that I will lose my job. If I lose my job I'm not sure in the climate of today that I would be able to get anything else. I am 49. My wife works,

but we need two salaries to cover all of

our expenses.

I don't want to speak to anyone in my office in case it puts ideas into their heads. Do you think I am likely to lose my job or do big companies keep on people like me because they have promised the previous owner?

This situation is really worrying me but I don't know what I can do about it.

Can you please put my mind at rest? Thank you very much.

C F, Edinburgh

Companies of any size are unlikely to keep someone on unless they believe they are doing a useful job. So it seems unlikely you are being employed because of a promise to the previous owner. Whenever change occurs in an organisation, it can lead to uncertainty and a feeling of insecurity, and it can take some time to feel safe again, especially when the job you were doing has changed, and appears to you to be less important.

Restructuring can take some time, and the final judgment as to who does what may still not be completed. I think it is unlikely that talking to others in the office would be a problem. In fact, you may find that they are in exactly the same situation, and also feeling insecure.

You give the impression that the job you are now doing is not as enjoyable as the one you previously did, having less autonomy to make decisions. If it becomes apparent that you will be continuing to do the same work, you may consider looking for another job, one which gives you the scope you are looking for.

and finally . . .

Dear H G, of Stirling, I can well understand why you (and so many others) wonder if anyone finds a partner through newspaper ads [April 25]. Until my own experience, I was more than a little sceptical. However, I was coaxed by a friend to place an ad. I was 37 and single. Out of about 40 replies, I followed up several including one from a 39-year-old man who'd separated from his first wife after 12 years (she had met someone else).

I have now been very happily married to that guy for nine years. He is wonderful, and he thinks the same about me.

Yes, you may get knocks. I had them too. However, having hung on in there, I found gold. May you also persevere, and may you also strike gold!

Anne, Edinburgh