so the Jam Tarts did turn out to be the bet of the day at 11-4 last Saturday. This is just as well since all of last week's horse selections ran like donkeys.

Faither enjoyed the entire day (apart that, is from, the last 10 minutes) and hasn't had the smile off his face since. However, my undoubted man of the match was James, my driver. He is a great guy but an inveterate bluenose.

Two weeks, ago on the day the league was decided, James drove me from Glasgow to Edinburgh and gritted his teeth as every bridge along the M8 was lined with Celtic fans brandishing their scarves.

Last Saturday, given that faither and I were enjoying the hospitality of the SFA, James inherited my ticket for the Hearts end of Celtic Park.

So he sat through the whole match incognito in the middle of 25,000 Jambos and was not able to utter single word. ''What,'' I asked on the way home, ''did you do when McCoist scored?'' ''Nothing,'' came the reply.

However, stoicism was its own reward. Among the many acts of kindness last Saturday, our hosts for the day presented me with a bottle of Celtic champagne. Under the circumstances there was only one appropriate destination for the bubbly. And so it came to pass that James became the only Rangers fan in Scotland who spent last Saturday night drowning his sorrows on a bottle of Celtic champers.

James doesn't back the gee-gees, and this may prove to be a wise policy this weekend. There are fine cards at all three Saturday Flat meetings to say nothing of the 2000 Guineas at The Curragh.

The racing is ultra-competitive which will make it great to watch but not necessarily great to back. Every time I hear the phrase, ''competitive racing,'' I get a sore head. I much prefer uncompetitive racing - boring winners who spreadeagle the field at decent prices.

Ploughing through the cards suggests that patience might be the best policy today. In the 8.25 at Warwick, we see the second coming of Patriot, priced at 7-2 in the betting forecast. John Stack's mount looked a reasonable animal when just touched off by Monkston Point in his first outing at Bath last month.

That race was in a good time and the first two drew some way clear of their rivals.

Today he is out among similar quality, and while there is always the chance of something special in the four rivals who have not seen a racecourse, Patriot looks good enough to handle the others and carries the nap.

A similar argument could be made for Island Hero in the second race at the Lingfield evening meeting, but when a horse comes out against unexposed opposition, it is as well to look for a reasonable starting price, and that may not be available at Lingfield, just as it looks it might be for Patriot at Warwick.

In the afternoon cards, Ochos Rios stands out as a possible fun bet in the 2.15 at Doncaster. Talented, but inconsistent, this is just the sort of horse who often pops up at a good price in these almost impossible apprentice handicaps.

At the same meeting, a much more substantial interest could be justified on the useful mare, Kira, in the 3.15.

Les Eyre's runner swooped to conquer at Thirsk last Friday on fast going and in a cracking time. She looks like she could go in again even in this tougher race and it might be as well to follow her until beaten.

q FINALLY, why not do some good for others by placing a #1 bet on my nap selection each week for charity.

q Saratoga Springs has drifted to 7-1 from 13-2 for the Derby in advance of Second Empire's seasonal reappearance in the Irish 2000 Guineas at The Curragh today.

Considerable support for Second Empire in the last few days has seen him take over Derby favouritism at 2-1 with-a-run, and the likelihood of Saratoga Springs appearing at Epsom seems to have decreased.

''A very confused Derby picture should at least be partially clarified after today's Irish 2000 Guineas,'' said a spokesman for one major firm.

''Our odds compilers have been scratching their heads for weeks but hopefully by Monday only Cape Verdi's plans will be causing them any classic headaches.''

Considering rumours were rife about Second Empire's participation at Epsom after having suffered pulled muscles this spring, he has made a rapid recovery to join the Guineas line-up and head the market for the race.

Latest betting: 5-6 Second Empire, 10-3 Fa-Eq, 5-1 Bianconi, 7-1 Two-Twenty-Two, 8-1 Desert Prince, 100-1 Coconut Creek, 200-1 Untold Story.