Parents of small children are first in the queue for civilised, well-cooked, good food served in attractive surroundings - and first in their line-up of attractions is the lack of small, demanding voices. As soon as their first little cutie gets beyond the pewking and mewling stage, the game changes. Elegant dinners may still be the dream, but what's really needed is a can-do attitude to eating out with children. Welcoming is the word, the way granny, or a favourite auntie is, dishing out small portions of pot luck, whether it's shepherd's pie, the secret recipe macaroni cheese or the understanding that sometimes a junior palate can only be tickled by a pick' n' mix of sticks of raw carrots and cheese.

Some restaurants simply ban the under-12s, which at least makes things crystal clear, others getting to the core of the matter stipulate ''well-behaved children'', it has become an issue not just because all the campaigning on equality has stretched, at last, to include children, but because commerce, at the first sniff of a new and politically-correct market, moves in firing on all cylinders, or, in this case, plastic tablecloths and cut-price burgers and chips.

There is a market for fast, cheap food for any age group, but good food does not have to be expensive and if the measure of civilisation is how a country treats its future citizens, how we handle a basic need like food might be the place to look.

With three children of their own, the youngest now 11, Catriona and Wilson Girvan knew exactly what a family-friendly restaurant should offer. A climbing frame and a chute which can be supervised from outside tables in warm weather, but also from the restaurant windows, was a clear signal of their intentions. This is not just a token attraction, the gate between the garden and the car park is padlocked to prevent adventurous types running into danger. ''Children want to get outside in good weather,'' said Catriona, whose children were quite small when the family took over the Perthshire Visitors' Centre. The same personal experience went into the menu, which has changed three times so far and will not remain static as a matter of policy.

It includes a variety of tried and tested favourites, all at #2.25. In addition to the permutation of chicken pieces, fish fingers, or sausages all served with chips and beans, there's a small breakfast (sausage, bacon, egg, and toast) and pizza (cut into four pieces) plus, where possible, a small portion of the day's specials or anything on the main menu. It ranges through the usual snack and lunch dishes plus a section labelled the Scottish Experience: sirloin steak, salmon steak, trout fillets, venison casserole, haggis neeps and tatties. Child portions, they find, are often popular with their pensioner customers who also benefit from a midweek discount for lunch in winter. Since their visitor centre, which includes an audio-visual display, the Macbeth Experience, is aimed at families pulling off the A9, their restaurant has to cater for the whole range of tastes, making high tea a popular

option for people who want to be outside in good weather. ''As soon as it's five o'clock, they come pouring in,'' says Wilson Girvan. Committed to catering for people's needs, he added: ''We don't turn people away, we just shut the door at 8pm. By the time everyone's eaten, it is often 9pm and the staff have had enough.''

For 20 years the Thomson family has been providing fresh local produce for travellers and people who want to enjoy the countryside. It started as a farm milk bar - in the former byre - and soon had a reputation for mouthwatering home baking. Ken and Jenny Thomson took over when they got married 10 years ago and expanded it to a full-scale restaurant. With a Cordon Bleu course behind her and experience of cooking abroad, Jenny was determined from the beginning to build on The Butterchurn's tradition of quality and fresh produce. ''We have a vegetable man who can get more or less anything and an excellent meat man in Glenfarg, who is very keen on the traceability of his produce,'' said Jenny.

Traceability at the Butterchurn stops short of going outside to identify the relatives of the meat on your plate. ''Our meat is all prime Scottish beef, but it is not from our own farm; that's where the venison people came unstuck,'' said Ken. It is a relevant concept here because just outside the airy restaurant are Highland cattle with calves, a pig, several pygmy goats, and a couple of rabbits. There has always been a pets corner at the Butterchurn and as the restaurant has expanded, so have the facilities for children. They now include a playground with swings and climbing apparatus, but stop short of chips. ''We don't have a deep fryer, so the question does not arise,'' said Jenny, who adds salad and crisps to home-made burgers.

The children's menu also offers soup of the day, a mini grill of scrambled egg, sausage, and bacon, scrambled egg on toast, and macaroni cheese. They are also happy to offer smaller portions, with chicken and leek pie a popular choice. ''We can do most things for children except freezer-to-fryer food or anything shaped like dinosaurs,'' said Ken, admitting that they don't trade on price, but stake their reputation on providing value for money.

While the pub and fast-food chains spend more on making their premises look attractive and offer consistent levels of cleanliness and catering, they are going to mop up the family market by being at least child-tolerant, if not child-friendly. The experience of the Thomsons and the Girvans, however, is that once people find something better, they will return. Both the Butterchurn and the Perthshire Visitor Centre have their regular annual visitors who stop off for a meal on the way north or south on the holiday migration. Just off the M90 at Kelty, the Butterchurn is a regular re-fuellung spot for Geordies as well as local families, some of whom have been visiting since Milk Bar days.

On a sunny afternoon a group of mothers and their under-fives were making full use of the play equipment after a drink in the restaurant, but it is also attractive to more serious foodies, who have the choice, in the evening, of dining downstairs in the child-free zone. That is equally liberating for parents who want to take their children to eat in the evenings without worrying about spoiling other people's enjoyment.

A TIPPLE FOR THAT TOP TIP

n THE HERALD would like your nominations for establishments - tearooms, restaurants, or hotels - which combine good food, incorporating fresh Scottish produce, with child-friendly service for a new special merit award for the best family-friendly restaurant in the annual The Macallan Taste of Scotland awards. The establishments must be listed in this year's Taste of Scotland Guide: 100 free copies are available from A Taste of Scotland, 33 Melville Street, Edinburgh EH3 7JF, to whom nominations should also be sent by the end of next month. Readers whose nominations make the short list will be entered into a draw to win bottles of The Macallan. We would also appreciate your recommendations for family-friendly restaurants for possible inclusion in next year's Taste of Scotland Guide.