I was recently transferred to a new job as manager in a division of a multinational company. I have worked in a management role for the company for a number of years, and didn't expect too many surprises, apart from the usual situation of learning the ins and outs of the new job.

My previous employment with the company was in London, Glasgow and overseas. I am now based in Aberdeen. I am the only female manager in the division - this is not unexpected. However, I have never experienced such resentment before.

It's as if I've barged into an all-male club, and am not welcome. The chauvinistic remarks come from the Dark Ages. Joint-team decisions seem to be made in the pub after work, when I am not invited to attend, or on the golf course, which seems to be part of the team recreation.

As I am fairly proficient at golf I have suggested attending with them and our clients on their regular outings, but that has not been seen as acceptable. The reason given is the matches take place at an all-male private club. As I work in a generally male environment I am used to some of this behaviour, but object when it affects my efforts to do my job properly. Information which is vital for me to have in order to do my job effectively is being withheld, and I believe the idea is that if I am seen to perform badly I will be asked to leave, or be transferred.

I am not a quitter, but this adolescent and anachronistic behaviour is making me very angry. I am unsure as to the best way to handle the situation without making it worse. Do you have any ideas?

B D, Aberdeen

Whatever action you take will cause a stir, but you need to show you are unwilling to accept treatment which affects your ability to do your work effectively. You already have a track record with the company so your ability to do the job should not be in question. These men may feel threatened by having a successful, efficient woman in their midst, and are banding together for protection. However, their behaviour is not acceptable. The culture in Aberdeen is also different from that of London and Glasgow, and this may take some adjustment, on both sides.

Can you talk to your line manager, or union representative about the situation, and get their support? This may, however, cause resentment if it gets back to your male colleagues, and could make matters worse.

Speak to your colleagues first, and warn them if you don't get the co-operation you require you will have to report to a more senior level. This will not make you any more popular, but you need to make it clear that you will not accept their behaviour. It is always hard to be the trailblazer in any organisation, and being the first woman in the division does mean a change in culture for everyone concerned. Don't give up - with time, you may gain at least their respect.

My girlfriend and I are going to get married at the end of this year, and we have been making plans for the wedding and the honeymoon. The problem is she wants to fly off to the Caribbean for three weeks - I would like to as well, but what she doesn't know, and I am ashamed to admit to her, is that I am terrified of flying.

The very idea of 10 hours in the confined space of an aeroplane makes me feel a sense of panic, and I can't see how on earth I could manage it. I have flown twice, to the Isle of Man and back. The weather was terrible and we had a very bad landing. I was only 12 at the time, but it has stayed with me ever since.

How can I explain to her we will have to have our honeymoon nearer home, somewhere we can drive to, or take the train? I have thought of going to the doctor and asking for Valium or something, but then I would need to tell him. Should I take the risk of going ahead with booking the holiday, or admit to my girlfriend what the problem is?

B G, Edinburgh

You should begin by being honest with your girlfriend. If you are going to be married in a few months it is essential she understands what your problem is. However, I don't think that should be seen as an excuse for avoiding flying. If we spent our lives planning strategies to avoid our fears they can take on a significance which blights our lives. Thinking about the fear takes more energy than addressing it. I would suggest that you try to get some help to assist you in resolving this situation. You may wish to try hypnosis, which works well for many people, or some NLP Practitioners (Neuro Linguistic Programming), which uses techniques to wipe out phobias and fears.

You have been brave enough to take the first step by admitting to yourself, and now to me, that you have a problem. Take the next steps: tell your girlfriend, and with her support, find professional help which will work for you.

Please can you help me with a problem with my mum and dad. I am 15 years old and think I am fairly sensible. I have over the past year become a vegetarian. This is not some silly fad, although my parents seem to think it is.

I have felt more and more uncomfortable with the idea of eating animals, and have tried to tell my parents how I feel. I have even tried the BSE argument, but they won't listen.

My dad loves steak and roast dinners, which I think is disgusting, and mum says she won't cook meals only for me. I have told her I can cook things for myself, but she argues that I won't be getting a balanced diet and will become ill.

When Linda McCartney died, and knowing how she felt and how she continued to fight for vegetarians, I feel that my little fight should be easier, but each meal is a constant battle.

KS, Kilmarnock

It is admirable you are sticking to your beliefs, and it is possible to eat a healthy, balanced vegetarian diet. However, I'm sure your parents are concerned about your health and worried on your behalf. I also wonder if you are simply making your own wishes known, or whether you are on the campaign trail to change your parents' eating habits too. You may want to pick up some leaflets on healthy vegetarian diets so that you can prepare well-balanced meals for yourself. You may also offer to prepare the occasional meal for all the family. Respect the views of others if you wish them to respect yours. Preaching will not help the situation, and in time I am sure your parents will accept that you are serious in your commitment.

l I have received a number of responses as a result of the letter from H G, of Stirling, (April 25) in which she asked where she could meet a partner. Unfortunately, for reasons of confidentiality, we are unable to pass letters on to correspondents, but we are delighted to publish other readers' comments and experiences as this can be positive and helpful.