n Melinda Messenger came to the fore last year as the sexpot with the dubious honour of outsexing Californian booby queen Pamela Anderson. This earth-shattering conclusion was arrived at by a league of the country's experts in these matters - the Page Three aficionados' association. ''She's the ultimate male fantasy for the twenty-first century!'' blustered the boys. Mel joined the ranks of such super soaraway saucepots as Linda Lusardi, Gail McKenna, and Sam - ''it's natural innit?'' - Fox. Marvellous.
n A former air hostess and ex-customer services manager from Swindon, Melinda is no dummy. With 12 O-Levels under her formerly 34DD bust and an ''emotionally generous'' boyfriend, now fiance, called Wayne, the 25-year-old is going places. To Channel 5's late-night spot to be precise. Fantastic.
n Among the other honours bestowed upon Mel since her Warholian 15 minutes were stretched to credibility point was Rear of the Year. Posing for the rear photos our Mel quipped: ''I was completely surprised to win it. I am better known for my other assets but its nice for something else to be noticed''. The matrimonial honours could also be on the way. On Valentine's Day last year Melinda and her fiance Wayne, a record company production supervisor, were engaged. Wayne issued a word of warning to any predatory geezers wot fot vat vay fancied 'is bird. He sez: ''You can look but you can't touch!'' Lovely.
n And into a little sunshine a comparable little rain must fall - as a Page Three girl once said. Mel's had her fair share of misery. Her mum, Avis Brock, who had earlier dismissed Mel's antics as ''disgusting'', took an overdose last March. She recovered. Sadly, Glasgow also contributed to Mel's personal sadness. Club bosses branded the 36DD (breast implants) lass as too ''sexist'' and risque for West Coast clubbers. However, Flicks in Brechin and The Zoo Club in Aberdeen had no such qualms, and their punters were treated to a big fun Melinda night out. Smashing.
Melinda Messenger is guest presenter on Not The Jack Docherty Show. (Channel 5, 10.50pm)
Ann Donald
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